This plane's not big enough for you to have sex in

Don't get too comfortable on the Airbus A380.

Published October 31, 2007 8:49PM (EDT)

There are a dozen first-class private cabins aboard the new Singapore Airlines Airbus A380, the largest passenger aircraft in the world. The cabins include beds large enough to sleep two people. Needless to say, folks who can afford such luxury are treated very well -- the airline plies them with drinks and all manner of other comforts.

Don't get too comfortable, though. Singapore Airlines would like you to know that the A380 is not big enough for you to have sex in.

The A380 began service between Singapore and Sydney last week. On board the first flight were Tony and Julie Elwood from Perth, Australia, who huddled tightly together in a cabin as reporters from around the world crowded around to ask how it was going.

It was not. "If couples used our double beds to engage in inappropriate activity, we would politely ask them to desist," Stephen Forshaw, a company spokesman, told The Times of London.

The airline explained to Reuters that cabins aren't soundproof and are not totally sealed. OK, so they're like studio apartments in Manhattan. Plus, airplanes are loud. And they're turbulent. What's the problem?

"So they'll sell you a double bed, and give you privacy and endless champagne -- and then say you can't do what comes naturally?" Tony Elwood complained to reporters. The cheeky Brit journos at the Times noted that he is a "vigorous" 76-year-old.

His wife, Julie, said, "They seem to have done everything they can to make it romantic short of bringing round oysters."

Singapore Airlines: They'll take you there, but they won't let you come.

By Farhad Manjoo

Farhad Manjoo is a Salon staff writer and the author of True Enough: Learning to Live in a Post-Fact Society.

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