We've had some wild and crazy New Year's Eves in the past, but now that we're old, the thought of all those drunken people on the roads is enough to keep us locked safely in our houses, free to scarf down an entire Whitman's Sampler box of chocolates the way we did when we were little. But just as the Whitman's no longer has a handy map to help us locate the caramels and raspberry gels and avoid the vanilla nut cremes, so the boob tube no longer has Guy Lombardo or Lawrence Welk (I told you we were old) to guide us through to the New Year with some wundaful, wundaful crooning. Instead, we'll be forced endure what was once our least favorite New Year's Eve option, "Dick Clark's Primetime New Year's Rockin' Eve 2008" (10 p.m. EST on ABC), which is so rarely rockin' that it can be downright depressing. It's no use, though: MTV's programming will only make you feel ancient, and Comedy Central's lineup (see below) doesn't include that damnable dropping ball. Just remember, we're at home watching dumb Dick right along with you, so let's raise our glasses in a toast to the (admittedly short-lived) promise of an election year!
Back-to-back episodes of the irreverent comedy sketch show "Whitest Kids U Know" begin at 7 p.m. EST on IFC. But will it be ""Men in Black II" (8 p.m. EST on Fox) or "Shrek II" (8 p.m. EST on ABC) for the kids? The specialists at Penn State's Paranormal Research Society investigate a teen medium on "Paranormal State" (10 p.m. EST on A&E). And in a Travel Channel "No Reservations" marathon, Anthony Bourdain visits Ireland (7 p.m. EST), Iceland (8 p.m. EST), Brazil (9 p.m. EST) and New York (10 p.m. EST) in back-to-back episodes from 2006.
What did you think of "Jesus Camp" on Sunday? Go here to discuss.
TV Daily's talk-show guest listings will return Jan. 3.
Contributors: Megan Doll, Heather Havrilesky, Eryn Loeb, Amy Reiter