The Hill, a Washington newspaper, recently asked all 97 senators not currently running for president what they’d do if asked to be their party’s vice-presidential nominee. As anyone who has ever watched a Senate committee hearing might expect, some of the answers were boring, while others showed that the respondents may take themselves just a little too seriously. But some were witty, and funny. Here’s my list of what I think were the top 10 responses.
Sen. Lamar Alexander, R-Tenn.
“I know already who it will be: the man in charge of the search. There’s no need for me to respond. That’s how you get to be vice president.”
Sen. Bob Bennett, R-Utah
“Of course. Big house, big car, not much to do. Why not?”
Sen. Robert Byrd, D-W.Va.
“No, I can already preside over the Senate, and I do not enjoy spending a lot of time at ‘undisclosed locations.'”
Sen. Tom Carper, D-Del.
“Yes. Sign me up. I’ve been kidding people for years: The hours are better, the wages are just as good — whoever heard of a vice president getting shot at? — and it’s a great opportunity to travel. And actually since time has gone by, the job is robust … So sure. Anybody here would, if they’re going to be honest. The chances are slim to none. But I promise you, I would deliver all three of Delaware’s electoral votes.”
Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho
“I would say ‘No, Hillary.'”
Sen. Byron Dorgan, D-N.D.
“Are you kidding? Every senator would accept that offer. My guess is that almost every senator looks at themselves in the mirror in the morning and sees either a future president or vice president.”
Sen. Judd Gregg, R-N.H.
“No. I don’t like going to funerals.”
Sen. Daniel Inouye, D-Hawaii
“If I were asked, I would say, ‘You’re out of your mind.'”
Sen. Claire McCaskill, D-Mo.
“If I were asked, I would ask some mental health professionals to visit Barack Obama. I just think Sen. Obama is way too smart to pick me. I’m not a good pick, and he’s smarter than that. That’s why he’s going to make such a good president.”
Sen. Roger Wicker, R-Miss.
“The chances of that are so remote that I’m more likely to be hit by an asteroid.”
