News flash: Straight men like boobs!

A new scientific study answers the age-old question: Do some guys do stupid things because of sex?

Published June 3, 2008 4:15PM (EDT)

Ladies, we've all been there. We're lying poolside, or stretched out on the beach, or languidly soaping our vintage Mustangs clad in only the skimpiest of bikinis ... when we notice a nearby male eyeing us with thinly veiled appreciation. "Wait," we think to ourselves, "I can't be sure, but I think that guy is staring at my breasts."

Well, according to exciting new scientific research, he is!

I know. I'll give you a few moments to pick yourself up off the floor. Next they'll be telling us that some men experience temporary psychosis while watching sporting events or occasionally enjoy inserting their penises into warm, wet holes and moving them up and down. But there's more!

You see, according to the report, titled "Bikini-Clad Women Make Men Impatient," not only are some men "sexually stimulated" by "touching bras, looking at pictures of beautiful women, or watching video clips of young women in bikinis running through the park," such stimuli also tend to make them impatient for immediate gratification. This gratification can take several forms, not necessarily sexual -- for example, a man who has just handled or looked at lingerie is more likely to order a decadent dessert or desperately try to acquire a small sum of money.

Personally, I'm relieved that the age-old question: "Do some straight men do stupid things because of sex?" has finally been answered. And the next time we're at the beach and my husband is overcome with a sudden, insatiable desire to pawn his wristwatch, I guess I'll know why.

By Rachel Shukert

Rachel Shukert is the author of Everything is Going To Be Great and Have You No Shame. Her YA series Starstruck is forthcoming from Random House in the spring of 2013. She lives in New York City.

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