China Shrink cream via Racy.com.
Just last week, we learned of a breakthrough in the search for a cure for the common vagina: Liquid Virgin. A couple of drops of this tightening tonic and you're a new woman -- or, rather, you appear to have not yet crossed that hymenal threshold into womanhood. Now, thanks to the American Virgin blog, we've discovered yet another alternative to paying a surgeon $9,000 to laser your labia and vagina (and don't forget that "aging perineum"): China Shrink cream. As the text on the package explains, it is "the ancient secret of Queens and concubines to please their kings ... even women who have given birth to many children can again enjoy sex life as it was in their honeymoons." Online purveyor Racy.com puts it more bluntly: "Formulated to tighten the vaginal walls. For loose vagina due to multiple childbirth and frigidity." Better yet, "the ointment also acts as an excellent disinfectant and deodorant," because loose or not, we all know vaginas are -- eewww! -- totally nasty.