Sneak peek: The Palin porno

Hustler's much-buzzed-about "Nailin' Paylin" has hit the Web -- and it's just as bad as expected.

Published October 20, 2008 9:45PM (EDT)

It's the moment we've all been waiting for: The premiere of the Sarah Palin porno -- the first minute of it, anyway -- and it does not disappoint. That is, assuming your expectations were as low as ours (which is to say: as low as the V-neck worn by the bespectacled, big-boobed star of Hustler's "Who's Nailin' Paylin").

The clip is safe for work, so long as your boss doesn't object to bad jokes and cleavage closeups. If not, you can skip straight to the reaction by Salon writers below. You can also check out the full script for a bipartisan threesome starring "Paylin," Hillary Clinton and Condoleezza Rice. Or do yourself a favor, and don't.

Rebecca Traister: Why is porn always so freaking bad? This has way less sex and way more political commentary than I expected. I do like the use of "moo juice" in the script. Weird that it's actually in reference to milk.

Kate Harding: 1) I actually sort of chuckled at "Sorry, I don't speak Russian." I am duly ashamed. 2) The lapel pin almost distracted my attention from her cleavage for a second there. 3) I just wasted 10 minutes of my life skimming the entire script over at TMZ, and not surprisingly, the puns don't get any better. There's kind of a shocking amount of dialogue, though. Even porn writers can't resist the temptation to satirize her at length.

Judy Berman: Though the entire scenario reeks of porn cliché ("Oh, look! There's a strange man -- or two -- at the door!"), I have to admit that I love the horribly rendered, broken-down tank that "Paylin" glimpses out the window. I haven't seen special effects that splendidly bad since "Barbarella." Also, I think "Paylin" has more lines in the first minute of this porno than the real Palin had on "Saturday Night Live."

Sarah Hepola: It looks just as boring as every other porno. But with Russians! It's obviously playing up the porn cliché. But just because you're "meta" doesn't mean you're "interesting." And though I will probably incite disgust from readers and my fellow posters, I find the real Sarah Palin more sexually alluring than that woman.

Berman: I think part of what makes the real Palin alluring is that she seems like such a Puritan. Part of the appeal comes from the idea of what's behind all of those supposedly rigid morals. A porn star with a face full of lip gloss (the makeup for this film is truly unfortunate) and a pair of ginormous, fake boobs falling out of her top doesn't demand the same kind of imagination and fantasy.

Tracy Clark-Flory: I agree with Sarah and Judy. The porn industry's giddy enthusiasm for lampooning its own lack of creativity … lacks creativity. It also reveals its tone-deafness to satire: The producers aren't just mocking shitty porn, they're making it, too. I am surprised by exactly one thing here: the total elimination of the intrigue, shame and electric hypocrisy of the sexy-prude archetype. If there's one thing I expect from the porn industry, it's Puritanism!

Vincent Rossmeier: Couldn't they have found a woman who at least mildly resembles Palin? The "actress's" appearance ruins my suspended disbelief. While I give them credit for the obvious Dickens-esque complexity of the story line, won't the presence of the Russians just make a lot of right-wing voters think of commies and, by extension, community organizers, and, by extension again, Barack Obama? Won't they then just end up beating their screens instead of beating, well ...

By Tracy Clark-Flory

MORE FROM Tracy Clark-Flory

Related Topics ------------------------------------------