This is just perfect: Abstinence-only educational programs are now employing actual clowns -- yes, the red-nose-big-shoes kind -- to teach kids about the dangers of sex, according to Pandagon. Derek Dye of Ohio is one such clown, who juggles machetes to communicate to middle schoolers the danger of premarital sex. You might ask: Well, surely he's also an adolescent health expert? Uh, no. His qualifications are as follows: "'Bachelor of Fun Arts' from Barnum Bailey Clown College, and an abstinence educator certification that can be purchased for $50," reports Amplify.
You'll find a video of Dye's act below. It might make you laugh – if it weren't for the fact that he's being paid with your tax dollars.