The gay marriage apocalypse is coming!

At last, conservative Christians find the long-sought connection between same-sex weddings and mass murder.

Published April 14, 2009 1:01PM (EDT)

Just in case the subtle imagery and delicately layered messaging of last week's anti-gay-marriage apocalypse ad went over your head, the helpful folks at Morality in Media have endeavored to set the record straight. The Christian advocacy group sent out a press release with the mission of "Connecting the Dots: The Line Between Gay Marriage and Mass Murders."

The release notes that, on April 4, the New York Times ran two adjacent front-page articles: one on the Iowa Supreme Court decision to legalize same-sex marriage, and one on the gunman who murdered 13 people in Binghamton, N.Y. So you get it, right? The stories were on the same page! It's irrefutable proof of the link between homosexuality and murder!

But, wait -- there's more: The underlying problem, explains Morality in Media president Robert Peters, is that we live in an increasingly post-Christian society, where instead of reading the Bible and learning the importance of stoning our neighbors, we've become vulnerable to the "secular value system" perpetuated by video games and rap music. (Aha -- so it's not just the gays. Nasty Nas made him do it!) The depravity of hip-hop, in turn, stems from the sexual revolution, which is the cause of every evil from STDs to prostitution, which as we all know didn't exist before the invention of birth control.

Lest you be tempted to dismiss Morality in the Media as a group of irrelevant, extremist crazypants, David Corn over at Mother Jones points out that the organization received $300,000 in federal funding between 2005 and 2007.

And now I, too, am afraid.

By Abigail Kramer

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