Mike Huckabee for poet laureate!

The former Arkansas governor pens a critique of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi -- in verse.

Published May 18, 2009 5:00PM (EDT)

I have a confession to make: I've never much liked poetry. I know, I'm an awful person with no soul, and having to report on politics is just punishment for my sins against literature. But all those amateur poets who aren't really that depressed but think that if they write about how depressed they are people will think they're deep just sort of ruined it for me. Politicians who write attack poetry with an aabb rhyme scheme because they think it has to be written that way in order to be a poem haven't helped matters, either.

Yes, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, I'm looking at you, and your poem about House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, "Fancy Nancy."

Huckabee posted the poem on his Web site Sunday. It begins, "Here's a story about a lady named Nancy." That's bad enough, especially since it's gotten the "Brady Bunch" theme song stuck in my head. But it gets worse from there. An excerpt:

Here's a story about a lady named Nancy
A ruthless politician, but dressed very fancy
Very ambitious, she got herself elected Speaker
But as for keeping secrets, she proved quite a "leaker..."

She sat in briefings and knew about enhanced interrogation;
But claims she wasn't there, and can't give an explanation.
She disparages the CIA and says they are a bunch of liars;
Even the press aren't buying it and they're stoking their fires...

If forced to believe whether the CIA and her colleagues in Congress are lying;
Or it's Speaker Pelosi whose credibility and career is dying.
I believe in the integrity of the men and women who sacrifice to keep us safe;
Not the woman who has been caught flat-footed, lying to our face.

I say it here and I say it rather clear-
It's time for Nancy Pelosi to resign and get out of here.

By Alex Koppelman

Alex Koppelman is a staff writer for Salon.

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Mike Huckabee Nancy Pelosi D-calif.