If you've never seen the MTV reality show "The Hills," well, you're not missing much. Even as a former fan of some of MTV's reality television, I find it impossible to get into the show. The cast is not just dumb and obnoxious; their real sin is that they're just plain boring. But one couple from the show, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag, have risen to fame. Now, they're using that celebrity to spread the gospel of radio host, 9/11 Truther and all-around conspiracy nut Alex Jones.
The two -- known in the tabloids as "Speidi" -- appeared on Jones' radio show last week after he found out they were fans of his. Big fans, apparently: Pratt spent quite a while listing all the Jones material he'd devoured recently, while his wife added, "We've been nonstop researching the Internet ... for information for at least a month, all day, every day."
And it got weirder from there. Turns out that Pratt and Montag are 9/11 Truthers like Jones, and that they subscribe to some of the even more outlandish conspiracy theories out there. When Jones brought up one of the more widespread ones, about the government implanting microchips in everyone, Montag said, "This is very serious. It says in the Bible this is the mark of the beast, and that is a sign of worshiping the devil. So over my dead body would I ever get a chip in my body. My body belongs to Jesus Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus, and I will speak out to Christians ... this chip is the end of humanity." Birth control, too, involves a government conspiracy theory, according to Montag:
I feel like God was telling me that this was something just created by the government that is really bad for my body, and I was just getting sick. I researched it, and one of the founding people who invented birth control said it was the worst thing they had ever done. They wished they'd never created it, how it morally corrupted society. It's just sickening to him, how it devalues women, how it causes depression, how it can cause cancer, how it sterilizes your body, and what it does to your body, how most women are suicidal sometimes on it.
Not to worry, though: According to the reality star, "Most Christians understand what's going on. They understand they're being persecuted. They understand this is the end of the world. They understand the New World Order, the One World Currency, is all in Revelations in the Bible, so they're taking me very seriously and they know when I mean something, that it's a message."
But of course, there's just no satisfying the kind of hardcore conspiracy theorists who make up Jones' audience. In fact, a few are already worrying that the reality stars are really just CIA plants spreading disinformation.
There are really only two choices here: Either Montag and Pratt are dumber, and crazier, than anyone dared to believe, or this is the best piece of comedy performance art since Andy Kaufman died. (The latter seems very unlikely.) Either way, it's disturbing, and a little sad.