I like a guy but he thinks we're just friends

How do I get over liking him so much? I know it can never work!

By Cary Tennis
Published October 28, 2009 4:26AM (UTC)
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Dear Cary,

I have liked this boy that I dated about a year and a half ago and I can't seem to stop loving him. He is a really big player and dates a lot of girls at a time but I know how he really is and even though I know he says the same things to girls (You're beautiful, you mean the world to me, etc.) it meant a lot when he said it to me. Now he thinks that we are just friends, even though I have a huge crush on him still. I can't tell him I like him again because:

  • A) It didn't work out last time
  • B) He lives in a different state
  • C) He is younger than me
  • D) I feel guilty because I kind of did some things I can't really say
  • E) On top of all that, he is my ex-best friend's ex-boyfriend.

How do you get over a guy that you think you might even love and they don't love you back?


Dear K,

You get over such a thing in the same way that you finally reach Los Angeles: You keep driving. It seems day after day that you never should have left Maine. You cover territory that seems endless. The driving is not fun. It is monotonous. But that is how you get over somebody. You keep driving until you hit Los Angeles.


Los Angeles is a metaphor for a place of the spirit reached after tedious terrain. The place you want to reach is a place where you're not thinking about this person.

Los Angeles is a replacement city; you go there to replace, and erase, what came before, to find a boyfriend-as-Los Angeles, someone tanned and full of interest, someone around whose corner lurks fame and possibility.

I know it's a metaphor. I'm hoping you'll get what I'm saying.


So let's go over it again. There are two parts to this answer. One part is the driving: The way you get over somebody is you just keep driving and their boring bungalow recedes. Got that? Even the most exciting person, if encountered in Maine, will have a boring bungalow that can be made to recede. And then the other part is that once you have done enough boring driving and the boring bungalow of the person you wish to forget has receded, you finally arrive at Los Angeles, where there is blue water; this is a new Los Angeles of the spirit, tan and full of possibility.

When you get there, look up an old friend. Get a job as a waitress. Find a place near the beach.


What I mean is, find a new boyfriend who makes you forget the old boyfriend. If a letter arrives, destroy it. Whenever you think of him, imagine yourself driving; whenever you think of him, increase your speed a little.

Make frequent stops and take pictures. You'll be in Los Angeles soon.


Write Your Truth.

What? You want more advice?


Cary Tennis

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