Who would win at the alternative Emmys?

Slide show: Forget best actress in a drama. We imagine a completely different -- and more fun -- Emmy broadcast

Published September 16, 2011 11:30PM (EDT)

The 63rd Emmy Awards are scheduled for Sunday (Fox, 8 p.m./7 Central), with "Glee" star Jane Lynch hosting. As always, there will be dozens of statuettes handed out, and as always, only some of the satisfactions I get from TV will be represented. Actors, actresses, directors, writers and series get recognition, but by and large, the awards don't quite match up with the way regular viewers watch (and talk about) television.

This slide show will try to remedy that sad state of affairs. Going beyond the standard Emmy categories -- and invoking the spirit of the MTV Movie Awards but not its consistently awful taste -- we're handing out laurels in 10 categories not recognized by the Emmys: best individual episode of a drama, comedy and unscripted series; best monologue; best love scene; best comedy sequence; best cameo; best death scene; best action sequence; and best monster.

My eligibility period is the same as that of the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences: June 1, 2010, through May 21, 2011. If the program did not air between those dates, I did not consider it for inclusion in this slide show. So if you're wondering why there are no awards for "Breaking Bad," that's the reason -- the same reason it's not up for any Emmys on Sunday.

I hope you'll list your own favorites in these categories -- and maybe devise some new categories! -- in the Letters section.

By Matt Zoller Seitz

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