I cross-dress and my wife doesn't know

A reader has a panty fetish that he's kept from his spouse of 19 years. Does he have to tell her?

By Tracy Clark-Flory

Published November 25, 2011 1:00AM (EST)

   (iStockphoto/DigitalZombie)
(iStockphoto/DigitalZombie)

I'm a 40-year-old male that has been married for 19 years. It has been about as good as it gets except ... I have a lingerie fetish that I have been trying to repress since I was a teenager. It ebbs and flows, but I can't remember going over a couple of months without putting on something satin, typically panties, but I love adding thigh-highs and a satin nightie if available. I realize I look ridiculous, but it feels great against the skin, and mentally brings on a sense of relief, calm and arousal.

Over the last few years I have had a couple of same-sex experiences and a dominatrix that specialized in forced fem. It was all good, but the dominatrix was best. In all of those cases it felt good to be accepted with my secret and not to feel like a freak.

I have tried to share this side of me with my wife a couple of times over the years, but she is not having any of it. The last time I slipped on her thong, she got mad and said, "Never do that again, I don't want you to stretch them out." I then went on a two-month drought before she let me touch her again. She never mentioned it, but it was chilly. She is a great mother and wife, and I do love her, but I can't repress my fetish despite tryi...

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Tracy Clark-Flory

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