When size matters too much

A young gay man's phallic fixation has driven him to risky promiscuity -- and he wants to understand why

By Tracy Clark-Flory

Published December 2, 2011 1:45AM (EST)

       (<a href='http://www.shutterstock.com/gallery-856843p1.html'>Hein Nouwens</a> via <a href='http://www.shutterstock.com/'>Shutterstock</a>)
(Hein Nouwens via Shutterstock)

I feel like I have nowhere to go and nobody to talk to about … my obsession with big dicks. It is too embarrassing and awkward to talk about with a therapist. But my obsession and drive for large penises seems to have a negative impact on my life and is affecting my decisions in a way that at times scares me.

I am a gay man, 24 years old. I have a slightly above average penis and have never had a single complaint -- in fact, I've always been complimented, if anything -- but, still, I feel small and insecure. At 14, I met an online friend of a similar age, who lived on the other side of the country. We used to have "cam sex" together as it was our only way at that time of exploring our sexuality. This e-friend had an 8-inch penis and I remember when I saw it for the first time, I felt extremely insecure and self-conscious. I would measure mine constantly, every day, hoping I would increase in size. I then began to think everybody but me was hung, and for years I just assumed, for some bizarre reason, that I should be ashamed or whatever for not being horse-hung. I became so obsessed that I even stole money from my parents at one time to gain membership access to online websites about how to increase your penis size and also buy penis enlargement pills.

Well, over the years, I've become very promiscuous. It didn't matter really how the guy looked, the moment somebody told me at a club that so-and-so had a huge dick, I felt the need to steal them away into the bathroom and, you know, do my thing. It became something that drove me; I can't watch porn without big dicks, I've broken up with boyfriends because I didn't feel they were big enough, and even with my current boyfriend of several years, I end up cheating on him all the time to fulfill this urge of interacting with ... big dicks. Interestingly, I've rarely engaged in penetrative sex and I prefer not to take these guys home with me. I'd rather just go with them to bathroom, blow them ...

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Tracy Clark-Flory

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