Best of the Salon limerick contest

Part 1: The election

Published April 7, 2013 3:00PM (EDT)

in the first compilation of the Salon limerick contest, here are the best reader submitted limericks from the election:

As travel arrangements were set,

Rafalca had reason to fret,

When Romney explained,

To get to the Games,

She'd be strapped to the roof of the jet!

Pete DeVriese

Oakland, Calif.

The Romney's were off with a start.

Regrettably, Seamus had farts.

So into the crate,

If he makes it that's great.

If not, Mitt will sell off the parts.

Michael Peterson

Willowbrook, Ill.

Mitt’s not vulgar, profane or salacious.

He would never offend! Good gracious!

But in unctuous perfection,

He seeks his election,

In a manner sublimely mendacious.

Quentin Sullivan

Haverhill, Mass.


Paul Ryan is sure that it's true.

All abortions are wicked to do.

Not for rape, or incest,

Even death - Paul knows best.

For a zygote's worth much more than you.

Paul Bamborough


RNC speakers begin to assemble,

And their rhetoric starts to dissemble.

From Rubio to Ryan.

There'll be no shortage of lyin'.

Causing fact-checkers all over to tremble.

Jim Brown

Scarsdale, N.Y.

When Clinton stepped up to the podium

We knew there'd be more than a modicum

Of brilliance and schmaltz

On Republican faults —

And the Mitt camp would need some Imodium.

Shirley Stuart

Berkeley, Calif.

Obama, says Mitt, hates success.

And it's clear that he's right, since unless,

You count being resident,

In the White House as president,

Obama's career's been a mess.

Robert Schechter

Dix Hills, N.Y.

Suffering a four-hour erection,

One submits to a doctor's inspection.

But this much is sure,

There is no such cure,

Can truncate a prolonged election.

Ted Kane

Long Beach, Calif.

At a meeting in Boca Raton,

Mitt Romney was filmed by a phone

as he quipped to his host,

"Through this race I would coast,

If I just had a darker skin tone."

Mike Moulton

Gainesville, Fla.

The Republican platform, I read,

With a deepening feeling of dread:

Right in the Preamble,

A misquote, unbearable!

Consent of governed's in Constitution instead?

Kathleen Rybarczyk


(It’s the Declaration of Independence that refers to “consent of the governed.”)

Obama says Mitt's meretricious.

But he's really the one who's been vicious.

And we know in our bones,

He'll keep firing drones,

‘Til he wipes out whoever he wishes.

James McEnteer

Quito, Ecuador

There once was a guvnor named Mizzle.

He likes good and hates bad, fo shizzle.

We don’t know where he stands,

But we still are big fans.

‘Cuz we trust him to do the Right thizzle!

Allison Herren Lee

Debating Paul Ryan, Joe won.

Moreover, he won by a ton:

Tough and energized, quick,

Biden pierced Ryan’s schtick.

Prez. Obama, now THAT’S how it’s done.

Madeleine Begun Kane

Bayside, Queens, N. Y.

Ho Donald, once more you've weighed in;

Raised your whine in the midst of the din;


Twenty-four-carat sleaze . . .

And a brain to embellish a pin.

JF Stover

Hill City, Kan.

Ohio and Iowa, too,

Are red, no wait, maybe they're blue.

If your state doesn't swing,

Voting isn't your thing.

You're free to ignore this whole zoo.

Michael Berman

Edmonds, Wash.

It’s hard not to sound off and quote,

All the brain rot that sunk Romney’s boat,

Or to shout, “You unsightly,

Extremist nuts, bite me!”

But I’m far too enlightened to gloat.

Johanna Richmond

Red Hook N.Y.

I got rich by myself, so should you.

If you were smart you would know what to do,

First you pick the right dad,

Then you take what he had,

And keep those lower from starting a coup.

Kim Anderson

Gilbert, Ariz.

Since a visit from Hurricane Sandy,

All-a sudden the Government’s dandy.

A new friendship will forge,

And Chris Christie will gorge,

On tax money as if it were candy.

Kit Thornton

Charles Town, W.V.

By Alex Halperin

Alex Halperin is news editor at Salon. You can follow him on Twitter @alexhalperin.

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