in the first compilation of the Salon limerick contest, here are the best reader submitted limericks from the election:
As travel arrangements were set,
Rafalca had reason to fret,
When Romney explained,
To get to the Games,
She’d be strapped to the roof of the jet!
The Romney’s were off with a start.
Regrettably, Seamus had farts.
So into the crate,
If he makes it that’s great.
If not, Mitt will sell off the parts.
Mitt’s not vulgar, profane or salacious.
He would never offend! Good gracious!
But in unctuous perfection,
He seeks his election,
In a manner sublimely mendacious.
Paul Ryan is sure that it’s true.
All abortions are wicked to do.
Not for rape, or incest,
Even death – Paul knows best.
For a zygote’s worth much more than you.
RNC speakers begin to assemble,
And their rhetoric starts to dissemble.
From Rubio to Ryan.
There’ll be no shortage of lyin’.
Causing fact-checkers all over to tremble.
When Clinton stepped up to the podium
We knew there’d be more than a modicum
Of brilliance and schmaltz
On Republican faults —
And the Mitt camp would need some Imodium.
Obama, says Mitt, hates success.
And it’s clear that he’s right, since unless,
You count being resident,
In the White House as president,
Obama’s career’s been a mess.
Dix Hills, N.Y.
Suffering a four-hour erection,
One submits to a doctor’s inspection.
But this much is sure,
There is no such cure,
Can truncate a prolonged election.
Long Beach, Calif.
At a meeting in Boca Raton,
Mitt Romney was filmed by a phone
as he quipped to his host,
“Through this race I would coast,
If I just had a darker skin tone.”
The Republican platform, I read,
With a deepening feeling of dread:
Right in the Preamble,
A misquote, unbearable!
Consent of governed’s in Constitution instead?
(It’s the Declaration of Independence that refers to “consent of the governed.”)
Obama says Mitt’s meretricious.
But he’s really the one who’s been vicious.
And we know in our bones,
He’ll keep firing drones,
‘Til he wipes out whoever he wishes.
There once was a guvnor named Mizzle.
He likes good and hates bad, fo shizzle.
We don’t know where he stands,
But we still are big fans.
‘Cuz we trust him to do the Right thizzle!
Allison Herren Lee
Debating Paul Ryan, Joe won.
Moreover, he won by a ton:
Tough and energized, quick,
Biden pierced Ryan’s schtick.
Prez. Obama, now THAT’S how it’s done.
Madeleine Begun Kane
Bayside, Queens, N. Y.
Ho Donald, once more you’ve weighed in;
Raised your whine in the midst of the din;
“I’m SIGNIFICANT . . . PLEASE!”
Twenty-four-carat sleaze . . .
And a brain to embellish a pin.
Hill City, Kan.
Ohio and Iowa, too,
Are red, no wait, maybe they’re blue.
If your state doesn’t swing,
Voting isn’t your thing.
You’re free to ignore this whole zoo.
It’s hard not to sound off and quote,
All the brain rot that sunk Romney’s boat,
Or to shout, “You unsightly,
Extremist nuts, bite me!”
But I’m far too enlightened to gloat.
Red Hook N.Y.
I got rich by myself, so should you.
If you were smart you would know what to do,
First you pick the right dad,
Then you take what he had,
And keep those lower from starting a coup.
Since a visit from Hurricane Sandy,
All-a sudden the Government’s dandy.
A new friendship will forge,
And Chris Christie will gorge,
On tax money as if it were candy.
Charles Town, W.V.