Best of the Salon limerick contest

Part two: A roundup of some of our favorite poetic news items

By Alex Halperin

Published April 14, 2013 3:00PM (EDT)

The best limericks submitted by Salon readers since the election:

So we’ve come to this point, as a nation,

Where a white man with money and station,

Is no longer a shoe-in,

So the Right Wing’s now stewin’:

“’Tis the End of Civilization!”

Bruce F. Cole

Kamuela, Hawaii

From Delaware hails our VP,

A fiscal cliff jumper is he.

He'll work on your pecs,

Offer old ladies sex,

Won't someone please put this guy on TV?

Josh Klemons

Madison, Wis.

Where’s Obama’s diversity minder–

His “qualified female” staff finder?

He’s named white guys galore,

To positions top-drawer,

Perhaps he should borrow Mitt’s binder.

Madeleine Begun Kane

Bayside, Queens

Did we have an assault weapons binge?

Just the thought should make all of us cringe.

Can we trust NRA,

To be honest when they,

Are the voice of a lunatic fringe?

Stephen Whitred

Barriere, B.C., Canada

In a tale of pro cycling woe,

Doping brought down a mighty hero.

But one detail I find,

Really frazzles my mind,

Who knew Oprah still had her own show?

Tom Foltz

Fort Wayne, Ind.

Although your new limerick contest is thrillin',

My brain appears not to be willin'

When every new verse

Than the last one is worse.

Perhaps you should just call Calvin Trillin.

Bryan McKamey

Richfield, Minn.

Some red states want rules remade

the next time elections are played

I say, where's the need?

Just go and secede

then call to request foreign aid.

Chad Parenteau

I feel sorry for poor Manti Te’O.

Turns out his sweetie pie wasn’t reo.

It was just his best friend,

Playing those tricks again,

“I’m not gay,” Manti says - oh, pleo.

Mark Childress

Key West, Fla.

The NRA's Wayne LaPierre,

Waves his AR-15 in the air.

Claiming "guns don't kill people!

But some drug dealing creep will,

Unless we arm kids in daycare!"

Jason Ganz

Dix Hills, N.Y.

Aghast we all heard from the Pope,

To continue His role, He'd said nope.

A change of His heart,

(Surgery was a part),

Six hundred years broken (we'll cope.)

Alison Bruzek

Cambridge, Mass.

The role of the teacher gets bigger,

In ways that I simply can't figger.

Teach reading and writing,

And make math exciting,

But also be quick on the trigger?

Michael Cotler

Maplewood, N.J.

In a Salon piece I read by Sirota,

Ryan's budget exceeds every quota,

Of upper class' perks,

As the rich get the works.

It kicks the middle-class right in the scrota.

Mike Moulton

Gainesville, Fla.

Will abandoning the weapons ban help gun safety?

The size of the pistol one packs,

Relates, if you must know the facts,

To being devoid,

To quote my friend Freud,

Of that which belongs in one’s slacks.

Nancy Cahill

Woodbridge, Va.


Thanks for sending in your limericks. We'll be starting another new feature soon. Watch this space.

Alex Halperin

Alex Halperin is news editor at Salon. You can follow him on Twitter @alexhalperin.

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