In the aftermath of what will heretofore be referred to by future scholars as The Time Miley Cyrus Broke the Internet, the first thought on all of our minds was: "What does former soap star/"Facts of Life" chanteuse Gloria Loring, a.k.a. Robin Thicke's mom, make of all this?" Fortunately for us, Loring decided to put all speculation to rest by telling omg! Insider exactly what she thought of her 36 year-old son singing about sex whilst dry-humping a woman half his age:
I just keep thinking of her mother and father watching this. Oh, Lord, have mercy...I was not expecting her to be putting her butt that close to my son. The problem is now I can never 'unsee' it.
When asked about her favorite and least favorite aspects of the performance, Loring continued to wag her finger, "Jurassic Park" computer system-style, at Cyrus, while extolling her son's fashion choices:
Him? Loved it. I love that suit, the black and white suit. I don't understand what Miley Cyrus is trying to do. I just don't understand. I think she's misbegotten in this attempt of hers. And I think it was not beneficial.
While one would assume that Loring felt similarly about her son's controversial "Blurred Lines" video (in which a slew of scantily clad women put their "butt[s]", as well as various other appendages, "close to" Thicke, without any complaints on his end), earlier this month she defended the video, refuting claims that it objectified women by invoking Thicke's marriage to actor Paula Patton:
"No, no, no. Excuse me. He's been with the same woman for 20 years," Gloria said. "They met when they were 16 years old. You don't live with Paula Patton if you don't respect women, 'cause you won't keep a woman like Paula Patton!"
Of course, there's a lot to be said (and has been said, and will be said) about the problematic aspects of Cyrus' and Thicke's VMA performance. But while the lion's share of criticism has been targeted at Cyrus, little has been said about Thicke's involvement in (and implied endorsement of) the performance. While it's not exactly surprising that Loring would play proud mama bear and minimize her son's role in the debacle, it's a bit rich to accuse Cyrus of being a wanton, "misbegotten" booty-shaker while ignoring the person on the other side of that booty.