"Sir, that is your penis!"

How a lifetime habit of people pleasing came to a head on one truly hideous first date

By Amber Hubert

Published May 26, 2014 12:00AM (EDT)

      (<a href='http://www.shutterstock.com/gallery-348076p1.html'>Oleg Golovnev</a> via <a href='http://www.shutterstock.com/'>Shutterstock</a>)
(Oleg Golovnev via Shutterstock)

“Quik2draw” pulled out his penis with the kind of urgency you might find during a natural disaster or a major security threat. I thought we were just kissing good night in his car until I felt it in my hand. David, that’s his real name, kissed me deeply, too deeply and before I could say, “Thanks for the drinks, good night!” his warm, hard dick was in the palm of my hand, literally. One moment I’m caressing his face, the next he grabbed my hand and put it right where he wanted it. I stopped kissing him. I threw my hands up like a cop had just shined his lights on me and yelled at me to stick ‘em up.

I thought “Quik2draw” was a reference to his love of spaghetti westerns. I was so wrong.

“Sir, that is your penis!” I said, stating the obvious. I was so shocked. I thought maybe saying out loud what was going on might help me understand it. David looked at me like a wild beast, all hands and slobber, then quickly changed into a pathetic, stutterin...

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Amber Hubert

Amber Hubert is freelance writer living in Los Angeles. Follow @amberhubert on Twitter and Facebook.

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