The 33-year-old virgin: Life without sex is only torturous if you let it be

I'm proof that normal guys manage without sex. If it hasn't happened for you yet, don't feel ashamed -- or alone

Published June 2, 2014 12:00AM (EDT)

A photo of the author
A photo of the author

Well, let’s just get this out of the way: I am a 33-year-old virgin.

I’m not a virgin for religious reasons. I was never waiting for marriage or “the right one.” Mine is a case of bad luck. Wrong women, wrong times.

My story doesn’t fit the profile you’d expect. I’m a comic in New York City, and I've worked in and around this scene since I was 22. I’m a good comic. Some nights, I’m even great. You know what comedians do after shows? Drink, smoke or fuck. They do that because all three are easy to find after-hours, when our shifts end. I’ve gone out with female audience members on occasion, but those nights somehow fall apart, and I end up at home playing "Sonic the Hedgehog." A comic once said to me, “It’s impossible for even a mediocre comedian to not get laid doing this. And you’re good and you've never gotten laid. I don’t know how you do it.” Nice to know: In one area of comedy, at least, I’...

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By Ray Gootz

Ray Gootz is a standup comic based out of New York. His comedy album can be purchased here.