Fox News loves Charles Krauthammer because they think he has the ability to sound rational, smart and calm while saying totally bonkers things. Fox thinks he gives them a veneer of respectability.
Fox also thought that of George Will, who calmly said insane things like how campus rape victims enjoy “special status.”
So, two Fox "smarties," Megyn Kelly and Charles Krauthammer, were discussing their favorite topic this week, which is how the hell can we get rid of this black president, and when can we start the impeachment proceedings?
This week’s “impeachable offense” that has so addled their uni-brain is the imminent prospect of Obama taking executive action to shield five million undocumented immigrants from being deported. It's been done before, by both Reagan and Bush, but somehow, when Obama does it, it's completely different.
“There’s no doubt that what he is doing now is a flagrant assault on the Constitutional system,” Krauthammer said, doing his best imitation of a person who actually knows something. “I’m sure Obama will be able to find a bunch of lawyers who say it is okay. This is clearly illegal. “
We're sure he will. Those lawyers will say anything. Especially when there are plenty of precedents.
But wait, Megyn Kelly has some law background, and it was her turn to try to sound smart. “There’s no doubt that the president has prosecutorial discretion. But it’s a sliding scale. Just as a prosecutor has discretion. He might decide not to prosecute one murderer. But if he said he is not going to prosecute any of the murderers, that would be unacceptable.”
So, yeah, she’s comparing undocumented immigrants to murderers. And no, that is not a mistake. It is unacceptable and disgusting. Quite apart from the whole impeachment discussion, which is merely ridiculous.
2. Ted Cruz: Net neutrality is the Obamacare of the Internet. Also, it’s like Hitler.
Texas Tea Partier Ted Cruz does not understand neutrality. What he does understand is that now that President Obama has come out strongly in favor of not selling the Internet out to the highest corporate bidder, Cruz is against it. You know what else Cruz does not like? Obamacare, or, for that matter any word starting with Obama. So, this week, Cruz tweeted:"Net Neutrality" is Obamacare for the Internet; the Internet should not operate at the speed of government.
Of course the tweet makes no sense, but since when did making sense become a priority of Ted Cruz? It’s all marketing anyway with those right-wingers. As Matt Iglesias at Vox explained, making sense is not the point: “What, if anything, that phrase means is difficult to say. But its political significance is easy to grasp. All true conservatives hate Obamacare, so if net neutrality is Obamacare for the internet, all true conservatives should rally against it.”
Crazy conspiracy theorist Alex Jones backed Cruz, saying net neutrality reminded him of Hitler. Because everything Obama does and says and all government regulation remind him of Hitler.
Still, not even conservatives were buying either the Hitler connection nor the Obamacare link, as numerous comments on Cruz’s facebook page attested. Sample comment from one Jinnie McManus: "Goddammit, stop making my party look like morons and look up net neutrality. It doesn't mean what you and your speechwriters think it means."
Well, goddammit Jinnie, your party does a goddamn good impersonation of morons.
3. Senate’s lead climate change denialist is really bummed that the Chinese seem to believe in man-made climate change.
Something terrible happened this week. President Barack Obama and the leader of China took a major step to prevent the planet’s destruction, when they agreed to both cut carbon emissions. Boo. Hiss. How rotten can world leaders get? Shouldn’t you go back to selling out to big business and waging futile wars in the Middle East right away?
Five minutes later, America’s absurd right-wingers said this was the "worst deal since the Trojans accepted a horse from the Greeks." The Senate’s two most powerful climate denialists, Mitch McConnell and James Inhofe, vowed to fight tooth and nail against this blatant and shameless attempt to possibly save the planet. Inhofe wrote a whole book about how climate change is a grand hoax, and has been rewarded the chairmanship of the Senate’s environment committee because no way do his views in any way reflect his close ties with the oil industry. But he could only muster the criticism that the deal is a “non-binding charade.” He doesn’t trust China and he does not like the EPA.
Wait, is that all you got? Nothing about the whole hoax thing, Senator Inhofe? A hoax that the leadership of China now seems to be in on?
4. Kirk Cameron gets into the Christmas spirit by attacking “pagans,” women who won’t stay in the kitchen, and Christians who do Christmas wrong.
Holidays bring out the best in fundamentalist Christian former actor Kirk Cameron. He already trick-or-treated his followers to his bizarre notion that Halloween is a Christian celebration hijacked by pagans. Now, he is fearlessly trying to rescue Christmas, and not from all us secularist heathens, but from other Christians. Huh?
Turns out lots of Christians are doing Christmas wrong, according to the former “Growing Pains” star. Only his brand of Christians are doing it right. In Cameron’s book, sure Christmas is about Jesus’ birth, but also Santa Claus is downright “biblical” because he once “punched a heretic.” So, go Santa!
Also, in Cameron’s book, good Christian women need to pull their weight, get back in the kitchen and cook for their families. “Because Christmas is about joy, and if the joy of the Lord is your strength, remember, the joy of the mom is her children’s strength, so don’t let anything steal your joy. If you let your joy get stolen, it will sap your strength,” Cameron said, sounding very loony indeed.
5. Men’s rights activist: Women and their vaginas ruin the workplace.
Paul Elam, founder of A Voice for Men, is not a big fan of vaginas, which are another word for women, since women tend to be the ones who carry vaginas around. If men had vaginas, then vaginas would be A-OK in Elam's book. Elam went on “ManStream Media this week and shared his view that work should be a vagina-free zone. Because everything was fine and excellent when only men and their penises populated the workplace.
“I’m sorry, ladies,” he says in the interview, “but if we want society to advance, we need to leave men alone to do their work — to do their thing and be with each other to get things done. Because that’s how it works.”
Is it just us, or does his apology to the “ladies” seem a tad insincere?
Elam argues that ever since women showed up in the workplace, men can’t do what they have always done and what makes their work so excellent, which is harass each other!
Elam does a really excellent imitation of how women really talk, “‘Hi!’” he says in a high, falsetto voice, “‘I have a vagina and a whole new set of rules! Never mind what’s worked for thousands of years, because I’m female and I know how to make 9,000 people work together to build a bridge across two miles of river!’”
We know we always start conversations by pointing out that we have a vagina.