6 worst right-wing moments of the week: Princeton mom says college rape is "clumsy hook-up melodrama"

The inexplicably famous Ivy League parent questions rape victims, while Geraldo Rivera keeps saying racist things

Published December 15, 2014 1:25PM (EST)

 Susan Patton, a.k.a. "Princeton Mom"     (CNN)
Susan Patton, a.k.a. "Princeton Mom" (CNN)

This article originally appeared on AlterNet.

AlterNet1. Michele Bachmann has a very cuckoo Christmas wish.

Michele Bachmann has just one big wish for Christmas this year: Mr. President, please bomb Iran. That’s what the outgoing Minnesota Rep. told President Obama at the White House holiday party on Monday.

Festive, no?

Bachmann described her exchange with the President to the ultra-Conservative site the Washington Free Beacon.

"I turned to the President and I said, something to the effect of, ‘Mr. President, you need to bomb the Iranian nuclear facilities, because if you don’t, Iran will have a nuclear weapon on your watch and the course of world history will change. . . . And he got his condescending smile on his face and laughed at me and said, ‘Well, Michele, it’s just not that easy.’"

Imagine that. The President did not take this insane woman's foreign policy suggestion seriously.

In other news, Bachmann blabbered inanely in her farewell speech to Congress about how Moses, the "ultimate lawgiver" is watching over them and staring right into the eyes of the Speaker of the House.

Damn, she’ll be missed.

2. Fox News has a clear winner in the contest for dumbest reaction to the CIA torture report.

Fox News really outdid itself this week to trivialize the shocking brutalities exposed in the CIA torture report. Sean Hannity acknowledged that being waterboarded 183 times probably “wasn’t pleasant.” But Eric Bolling wondered what all the whining was about. “Three were waterboarded. Five rectal rehydrations,” he allowed. “But zero died. Zero dismembered. Zero jumped to their death.” Yeah, c’mon guys, let’s not be so hard on ourselves. It’s not like we have a collection of hacked off body parts!

But for sheer idiocy, no one held a candle to Andrea Tantaros, who thought the occasion called for a pep talk about how “awesome” America is. Her speech: “The United States of America is awesome. We are awesome. But we’ve had this discussion. We’ve closed the book on it. And we stopped doing it. And the reason they want to have the discussion is not to show how awesome we are. This administration wants to have this discussion to show us how we are not awesome.”

Now we know what it takes to qualify for a job at Fox News. Be 12 years old and have a vocabulary of, oh, about two words. America and awesome. Say them, mix them, switch them. Repeat, ad nauseum.

Jon Stewart had a hilarious segment on this, which you can watch here.

3. Geraldo Rivera has new slogan for black protesters: It’s all our fault.

Geraldo Rivera has a very bizarre propensity for getting hung up on clothing when unarmed black men get killed by armed white men. First there was his off-kilter rant about hoodies being the source of the problem when Trayvon Martin was shot. This week, he expressed his displeasure with LeBron James’ ‘I Can’t Breathe’ tee-shirt, which the NBA superstar wore to express his solidarity with Eric Garner and those protesting his homicide. Rivera thought James should wear a tee-shirt that said, “Be a father to your son.”

Hmmm, definitely doesn’t pack the same punch.

There was an uproar, and then Rivera doubled down  in a Facebook post, saying he “understood how the issue of young black men being killed by cops has touched a deep nerve,” which is rather an understatement. But he still thinks we should instead be talking about the favorite conservative talking point, which is how black people are to blame for their problems. Then he went back to giving James sartorial advice and wondered why he doesn’t use his fame to wear shirts that chastise black people for their perceived moral failings.

In other words, Rivera thinks James should be more like Charles Barkley, who is always happy to chastise black people.

4. Princeton mom: Getting raped at college while drunk is a wonderful opportunity to learn. 

Author Susan Patton, a.k.a., Princeton Mom has as great deal to say to young women about how they should comport themselves in college and how they need get busy hunting for husbands RIGHT NOW! But if you do get raped in college, gals, Patton suggests that you chalk it up “to a learning experience.”

Hoo boy.

The occasion for the pearl-clad ‘50s throwback to bestow this wisdom was a CNN interview about college rape, which she is just really confused about. Why, it’s all people talk about on college campuses these days! She’d like us to get back to the more important college topic of husband hunting and why no one seems to want to date her son.

“What makes this so particularly prickly is the definition of rape,” Patton said to indignant host Carol Costello. “It no longer is when a woman is violated at the point of a gun or a knife. We’re now talking about or identifying as rape what really is clumsy hook-up melodrama or a fumbled attempt at a kiss or a caress.”

“This is with a friend, this is in your own home,” she said, sounding completely flummoxed. "It makes one wonder, why do you not just get up and leave?”

Why didn’t anyone think of that? Patton knows all about it because she once talked to a real-live rape victim, although she did not really believe her. “There’s rape, and then there’s rape,” she said, unoriginally. “I believe that she experienced something that she regretted. I believe that she got very drunk, and had sex with a man that she regretted the next morning. To me, that’s not a crime. That’s not rape. That’s a learning experience. That has to do with making choices and taking responsibility for those choices.”

But, she insisted, she was in no way blaming victims. She was just assigning them responsibility and lecturing them about what they did wrong. That’s different. She also invited rape victims to come talk to her to get this lecture in person.

They're lining up now.

5. CIA Director Hayden: Forcing food into people's rectums is medical.

CIA Director Gen. Michael Hayden got a little defensive this week about just one of the alarming revelations in the CIA torture report, that detainees were sometimes forcibly rectally fed, and rectally rehydrated. On CNN in conversation with Jake Tapper, He called these instances “medical procedures” that were necessary to get fluids into dehydrated detainees and were not used as “a method of interrogation.”

Doctors and psychiatrists have noted that there is nothing "medical" about it, digestion does not work that way, and that this anally focused "treatment" resembles medieval torture, and is humiliating and, kinda rapey.

But that's just them.

6. Phyllis Schlafly tells men that it is time for them to fear college.

Eagle Forum founder, and, let’s face it, doddering old windbag, Phyllis Schafly said this week that college is too dangerous for young men now because feminists are waging an all-out war on them.

She was, of course, discussing the unraveling of the Rolling Stone story chronicling the alleged gang rape of a University of Virginia freshman, which is a bonanza for rape deniers and conservative windbags everywhere.

“It’s really dangerous for a guy to go to college these days,” Schlafly told WorldNetDaily. “ He’s better off if he doesn’t talk to any women when he gets there.”

Later she said: “There isn’t any rape culture. There is a war on men, and [feminists] are very open about it.”

Yeupp, it’s open season, all right.

Notably Schlafly also believes that a man cannot rape his wife, since marriage is, by definition, consent.

So, yeah, we should definitely listen to her.

By Janet Allon

MORE FROM Janet Allon

Related Topics ------------------------------------------

Alternet College Rape Fox News Geraldo River Michele Bachmann Princeton Mom Torture Report