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“You’ve been eating bagels wrong your entire life”: The best (and worst) instructional video you’ll ever watch

There are no valuable bagel-eating tips to glean from this video

Published

(Murderbot Productions)
(Murderbot Productions)

All out of gift bags? Use an empty chip bag!  No place to store your headphones? Hang ’em on a binder clip! Don’t have a bottle opener on you? Use your iPhone charger! Before the age of Reddit — a whole decade ago, believe it or not — this stuff was simply called “being resourceful.” Simpler yet, a “tip.” Now, of course, you’d be hard-pressed to find a media outlet pass up the opportunity to label it a “life hack.”

And for a good reason! People click on these things. It’s no surprise that Clickhole — the viral web’s satirical echo — has latched onto this phenomenon with a video of their own. There are even two TV shows built on the premise of  “lifehacking”: TruTV’s “Hack My Life” and National Geographic’s “Hacking the System.”

Which brings us to our newest installment of life-hack meta-commentary — Murderbot Productions showing you how to do bagels the right way. Which is to say: by using a drill instead of a knife and going ballistic on the cream cheese.

There are obviously no practical bagel-eating tips to glean from this absurd video. But it may make you realize the truly absurd quality behind each and every one of these videos.

And for the record: There is no wrong way to eat a bagel!

By Colin Gorenstein

Colin Gorenstein is Salon's assistant editor of internet and viral content. Follow @colingorenstein or email cgorenstein@salon.com.


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