John Oliver took a high school teacher shoplifting and was wildly unsuccessful

Well, kind of

Published March 9, 2015 1:42PM (EDT)

    (Comedy Central)
(Comedy Central)

Never ask John Oliver to be an accomplice in your heist. Not even if he tries to convince you that Brits make excellent thieves. ("We stole two-thirds of the world's land mass!")

Oliver appeared on "Night of Too Many Stars" Sunday night and, as a prize for the winning bidder at the charity event -- who happened to be a high school teacher -- Oliver extended an invite to go shoplifting at the liquor store nearby.

Well, the votes are in: Oliver is the world's worst shoplifting coach. Take-aways: Don't wave around the block of cheese you are trying to steal. Don't strike up convos with the sales clerks. And absolutely don't snap selfies with strangers mid-heist.


By Colin Gorenstein

Colin Gorenstein is Salon's assistant editor of internet and viral content. Follow @colingorenstein or email

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