"Are you f**king drunk?": Jon Stewart tears into media for ridiculous Secret Service coverage

Neither the Secret Service nor the news media walked away from the White House crash a hero

Published March 17, 2015 1:20PM (EDT)

    (Comedy Central)
(Comedy Central)

Earlier this month, two senior Secret Service agents drove a government vehicle into a White House barricade after a night of drinking. Despite the string of sensationalist news reports claiming that the agents had literally crashed into the White House (you know -- "White House Down"-style), later reports revealed that that there was no damage to the vehicle to speak of.

Neither party -- the Secret Service agency nor the frenzied news media -- emerged from the events a hero, which is why Stewart staged a double-intervention on "The Daily Show" Monday night. To the Secret Service, Stewart said: "Stop drinking so f**king much. You're better than this, you could be the great agency you once were." Leveling the playing field, Stewart said to the news media, "What, are you f**king drunk? I wish you were drunk. It would explain all of this."

Stewart continued: "All your hyperbole and everything else. I can just imagine the news media in the back all drunk, going ‘Sh*t, what? There was a crash at the White House, dudes doing 80, let’s order a pizza, ah, we’re all f**ked up, give Piers Morgan a show.”

By Colin Gorenstein

Colin Gorenstein is Salon's assistant editor of internet and viral content. Follow @colingorenstein or email cgorenstein@salon.com.

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