How amazing would Seamless be if no judgmental humans were involved at all?

"When you order from Seamless, you want food, not the psychological minefield of human interaction"

Published March 23, 2015 9:00PM (EDT)

    (YouTube/The Bilderbergers)
(YouTube/The Bilderbergers)

Here are some things about me: whenever I open the door for Seamless I put on a specific vaguely expensive sweater that covers my entire body and it also has a hood, turning me into a kind of stylish house goblin/dementor. I do this because if I have ordered Seamless, I am reliably bra-less, in sweatpants and wearing a trash bag as a shirt. The whole point of ordering Seamless is so that I can remain in that truly sorry state. Once, after I ordered upwards of $40 of fancy appetizers, I discovered that I actually knew that person who packed my order and that he had written a note on my delivery bag. I threw up from shame and then buried myself in a hole.

That's why I was so thrilled to learn about Seamless: No Human, a service that removed the human from your food delivery experience, and so devastated to learn that it wasn't real (just kidding-- I always knew it wasn't real; I am not a child!).

It's actually a sketch by The Bilderbergers which outlines a dream service in which a delivery guy walks the food to your door, rings the bell and then sprints away. Seamless: No Human is also testing drone delivery "so that your order can be delivered right to your window by a non-judgmental robot."

"When you order from Seamless," says the service's spokesperson played by Carrie McCrossen, "you want food, not the psychological minefield of human interaction."

By Joanna Rothkopf

MORE FROM Joanna Rothkopf

Related Topics ------------------------------------------

Comedy Delivery Food Seamless Sketch Video