Anything done in the pursuit of passion has the potential to end badly. Sex is no exception. People will go to great lengths to have an orgasm, and while one can usually be achieved without negative consequences, others aren’t always so lucky. A moment of passion can leave one with branded with a bad case of rug burn, a collection of bites, bruises and hickies and painful pulled muscles. Other injuries prove more dangerous. Here is our list of sexual stunts to avoid.
1. Killer cunnilingus. Research holds that as much as 70% of women cannot orgasm with intercourse alone and need “direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm.” Oral sex can serve as a welcome and effective alternative in the bedroom. But don’t get too carried away, because if you end up blowing air up there (a lot of air), the results can be deadly. When air gets trapped inside the vagina without the ability to escape, air bubbles can form and enter the bloodstream. These occurrences, known as “air embolisms” can cause blockages in blood vessels, which can be fatal (especially when involving a blockage leading to the brain or the heart).
Let it be said, this is a very, very rare occurrence. As the website Go Ask Alicereports, those most at risk are women with enlarged pelvic vessels “due to a condition such as trauma and possible pregnancy.” Jezebel cites an article that appeared in the 1967 edition of Obstetrics & Gynecology titled “Fatal Air Embolism in Pregnancy Resulting from an Unusual Sexual Act.” The article details 18 cases in which pregnant teenagers died as a result of air being blown into their vaginas “in the course of sex-play during pregnancy.”
It is possible for air embolisms to occur when going at it solo, too. One article details the case of a non-pregnant 40-year-old woman who died after inserting a carrot for autoerotic purposes. The authors suspect that air was able to enter her bloodstream due to the presence of an intrauterine device.
2. Broken penis, broken heart. A “broken dick” sounds like a comically bad time. Of course, since humans lack a baculum, also known as a penile bone, the idea of breaking one sounds a little strange. But penile fractures do happen, and when they do, they are painful(images can help demonstrate that point). These kind of injuries occur when there is trauma to an erect penis. As most of us learned back in high school, during an erection the penis is engorged with blood. The Mayo Clinic reports that if the penis “is bent suddenly or forcefully while it’s engorged, the trauma may rupture the lining of one of the two cylinders in the penis (corpus cavernosum) responsible for erections.” The injury is usually accompanied by a popping sound, while bruising, discoloration and swelling soon follow.
Incidences of penile fractures didn’t appear in medical literature until 1924. A case report published in the International Journal of Medical and Applied Sciences mentions a review of more than 1600 cases of penile fractures in world literature. The fractures are most likely to occur during rigorous sex, or equally rigorous masturbation.
A team of Brazilian researchers found that the “reverse cowgirl” position is to blame the majority of sex-related penile fractures. Treatment can vary. In some cases, icepacks and anti-inflammatory medicines can do the trick. In more severe cases, surgery may be required. This option was made popular back in the ‘80s after several studies concluded that long-term complications were reduced from 30% to 4% in surgically treated patients.
3. Ow! Not in my eye, please. Sex is messy. Things go up, things go down, and things spill out. Sometimes, they don’t land where we want them to. Getting semen in the eye is by no means a unique experience, but it’s certainly not a pleasant one, either. It’s irritating, it stings; it can cause soreness, redness and burning. The good news? The symptoms usually subside quickly. Then again, there’s always an unlucky few who get hit harder than the rest. OnMy Sex Professor, Debby Herbenick explains, “It is also possible for more commonly transmitted infections such as chlamydia, gonorrhea, and pubic lice to be spread this way.”
Semen isn't the only thing you should keep out of your eyes. Oculolinctus, also known as “worming,” is an eyeball-licking fetish that has been gaining steam since the mid-2000s. Robert Noecker told CBS News, “The cornea is the most innervated part of the body… That's why it might feel good to have it licked. It's the same thing with sucking toes—they're so sensitive because the body needs to be able to detect minor particles and other disturbances. If you're so inclined, that's the plus."
Others are more wary. San Diego-based ophthalmologist David Granet explained to the Huffington Post, “Nothing good can come of this. There are ridges on the tongue that can cause a corneal abrasion. And if a person hasn’t washed out their mouth, they might put acid from citrus products or spices into the eye.” Eye experts warn that oculolinctus can cause conjunctivitis and even lead to corneal scarring.
4. I thought you used a condom? Lodged objects are no fun. Losing things is frustrating. Losing things inside of you is something else. Luckily, a few women have been kind enough to share their stories. Articles like A Condom Got Lost In My Vagina and The Time I Got A Condom Stuck Waaaaay Up in My Vagina help articulate an experience that is hardly unique, but often unpleasant. Getting a condom lodged up there after sex can be embarrassing, but at least it can (usually) be resolved quickly.
Other times, we aren’t so lucky. A report published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine details the case of a 38-year-old woman from Scotland. As Medical Daily reports, "the unidentified woman originally went to the Aberdeen Royal Infirmary complaining of severe weight loss, shaking, lethargy and mild incontinence" and doctors discovered a “foreign object protruding into her bladder from her vagina.” Turns out, the object was a 5-inch sex toy the woman claims to have used with her partner 10 years back. Yes, the sex toy had been stuck in her vagina for 10 years.
An episode of TLC’s Sex Sent Me To The E.R. details another case of things being put in the wrong places. A Canadian woman took a trip to the hospital after a set of handcuff keys got lost in her vagina. Doctors soon found that thekeys were next to the woman’s cervix and “had gotten tangled in the nylon strings of her intrauterine device (IUD).” Then there’s the woman who had a rolled-up poster of Donny Osmond lodged in her vagina. She had arrived at the hospital complaining of pain in her “private area.”
Getting things stuck up there is no fun. But leaving them in there can be dangerous. As Jane Harrison-Hohner writes on the Web MD blog, “Removal of foreign objects, especially if large, should be left to a GYN.” So ladies, don’t be embarrassed, and don’t risk it. If something is stuck up there, get to the doctor. They’ve seen it all before.