Gwyneth taunts Stephen Colbert in epic lifestyle brand smackdown: "It’s about time someone brought a sausage or two to this clam bake"

Mess with the GOOP, Stephen, and you get the horns

Published September 25, 2015 5:11PM (EDT)

Gwyneth Paltrow          (AP/Matt Sayles)
Gwyneth Paltrow (AP/Matt Sayles)

This week on “The Late Show," Stephen Colbert subtly lampooned celebrity lifestyle brands by introducing a brand of his own, 'Covetton House’: a mix of "classic Southern living, the breezy charm of the English countryside, and whatever they had left over at the prop warehouse."

In response, the queen of the celeb lifestyle empire herself, Gwyneth Paltrow, delivered a tart riposte titled "6 Fail-Proof Tips for Launching a Men’s Lifestyle Site” — rare proof that GOOP can peddle a sense of humor along with its artisanal quinoa muffins and naturally-sourced sea sponges.

Addressing Colbert and Snoop Dogg, who is starting a weed lifestyle site, Paltrow welcomed her male celeb peers into the fold ("it’s about time someone brought a sausage or two to this clam bake”) and proceeded to offer some handy, tongue-in-cheek tips, from fitness ("We hear that aerial yoga is really good for those moobs”) to man bun maintenance ("we style ours with Psssssst Dry Shampoo and Abilene oil from sharks.")

Paltrow, who has personally been known to extoll the virtues of vaginal steaming, had some special advice for “The Late Show” host in particular. "Everyone goes WILD for content about genitals, so we suggest you get ahead of the curve and write about a growing craze among men, anal bleaching,” the piece suggests. "Colbert, we think this is one that will really hit home for you, both personally and professionally.”

While GOOP has traditionally been on the receiving end rather than the delivering end when it comes to edgy, self-aware humor, we’re impressed by the viciousness on display here. Your move, Blake Lively.

By Anna Silman

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Goop Gwyneth Paltrow Stephen Colbert