SPOILER ALERT! Don’t read if you don’t want major plot points hinted at through snarky jokes about “Star Wars: The Force Awakens”‘ most sullen villain.
So some of the most fun scenes in “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” are the giant man-baby tantrums Kylo Ren, young Jedi turned to the Dark Side, throws whenever things don’t go his way — like when Rey, that untrained upstart, manages to best him, or he gets shown up at work in front of the Big Bad, or he feels himself doubting just how committed he is to the Dark Side. Smash a control panel with his light saber, waaah!
Whereas Darth Vader (SPOILER!!!!), his grandfather on his mother’s side, maintained exquisite control over his dark powers until his final reconciliation with the Force and his son Luke, Ren is not entirely in possession of his own emotions, and it is perhaps the most unintentionally hilarious part of JJ. Abrams’ new film. You can just see him taking his frustrations out on the internet instead:
*comments angrily on a YouTube video*
*sits there for three hours reloading the page*— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
What Kylo Ren needs is an outlet. What Kylo Ren needs … is Twitter.
And boy, did Twitter need him, especially after all the reverent build-up to the premiere late last week. Here’s a sampling of the most hilarious and relatable — you either know this guy, or dated him, or actually maybe ARE him — tweets from Emo Kylo Ren since the account began yesterday:
On having superior taste and intellect:
you can't truly appreciate the imperial march until you hear it on vinyl
— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
*sidles up to you at a party* the thing most people don't understand about midichlorians is
— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
On the subject of gender relations:
what if men and women just have naturally different levels of force ability
— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
*hands Rey a crossword*
don't worry if it takes a while
Wednesday puzzles can be a bit challengi–
*Rey hands back the completed puzzle*— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
i should warn you that am very strong in the force
*tries to force-pull the cap off a pen*
*can't*— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
On the incredible indignity of being the living child of his embarrassing parents:
my name is kyle
my name is kyle
my name is kyle
my name is KYLO
fucking autocorrect— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
*applies black eyeliner*
my parents don't understand me and i hate them
*applies black helmet*— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
On the Dark Side of hero worship:
the only person who could truly understand what i'm going through died on the second death star before i was even born
— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
*into mirror* apology ACCEPTED, captain needa
*voice cracks unexpectedly*— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
*serenading vader's burned-out helmet* wake me up inside
(i can't wake up) wake me up inside— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
heritage not hate pic.twitter.com/Lt9jRHfVbh
— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
If your parody “Star Wars” tastes run to the dadaist, you might find this BB-8 account more to your liking. Boop boop beep, indeed.
