It’s a new year and although America is forced to endure, yet another, Fox Business Network Republican presidential debate, we once again have the aid and comfort of Patton Oswalt’s live-tweets to help us #survive:
Help me, 'fiddich! GOPDebate pic.twitter.com/OWTMBruKut
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 15, 2016
Can't we replace the National Anthem with "Lady Stardust"? #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 15, 2016
Wow, Cruz even WAVES creepy. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 15, 2016
"Before I talk about helping people get jobs, first let me evoke bloodshed and vengeance." — Ted Cruz #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 15, 2016
That piece comparing Cruz to the spirit from IT FOLLOWS was bullshit. He's clearly a grown-up, evil Gage from PET SEMETARY. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 15, 2016
Kasich is calmly answering the question put to him. NOT presidential material. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 15, 2016
This is the night that Jeb's eyes finally seal shut. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 15, 2016
"Everyone on this stage is better than Hillary Clinton. Well, except for me." — Jeb Bush #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 15, 2016
Wanting to make the US military stronger is like me wanting to add more butter to my diet. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 15, 2016
I agree with Rubio! Obama's more funding about the uh planned military making stronger uh funding the army parenthood! #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 15, 2016
Does Marco Rubio know his microphone is turned on? #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 15, 2016
I'm with Carson on "existential threats". Like the world falling through a portal where one of these guys was president. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 15, 2016
"We've got to have a war on wars." — Ben Carson #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 15, 2016
Rubio's right. These gun control plans aren't 100% perfect so let's do nothing. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 15, 2016
I don't like raving lunatics not having access to guns. Doesn't feel American. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 15, 2016
Christie's gonna kick Obama out of the White House in November? Tall order, but he just might pull it off! #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 15, 2016
If there's ever a zombie apocalypse, I hope the undead who lost their lives on 9/11 specifically devour Republicans. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 15, 2016
"Yo mama's so Scottish her pubic hair is plaid." #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 15, 2016
"Yo mama's so Scottish she doesn't get yeast infections, she gets shortbread." #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 15, 2016
"Yo mama's so Scottish she doesn't get yeast infections, she gets shortbread." #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 15, 2016
"Yo mama's so Scottish she had a three way with the Proclaimers." #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 15, 2016
THERE'S A BAD THING GOING ON. Trump talks like a 4 year-old who's tired and hungry. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 15, 2016
Trump can't see it, but his novelty is wearing off. It's suddenly 1991 and he's still hair metal. Beginning of the end. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 15, 2016
Watch a recap of the debate below:
[jwplayer file=”http://media.www.salon.com/2016/01/RepubDebateHighlights.petercooper.1.15.16_SD.mp4″ image=”http://media.www.salon.com/2016/01/gop-2016-debate.jpeg3.jpg”][/jwplayer]
