"Late Show" host Stephen Colbert last night offered his unique take on the Taylor Swift vs. Kanye West beef that, for these purposes, started with West's "I made that bitch famous" lyric and ended with Swift's Album of the Year acceptance speech acting as a cryptic response.
"I have a feeling the odds of you having sex with Taylor Swift are about the same as winning a Grammy you weren't nominated for," Colbert said.
"But Kanye West has bigger problems," said Colbert, referring to West's self-reported $53 million debt:
Alas, "Kanye's got a plan to get everything back":
"I can't think of a better way to reach out to the founder of Facebook," Colbert said, "than the one place he's sure to look: Twitter."
As a de facto business plan, to demonstrate to billionaire investors that he isn't blindly asking for charity, West tweeted out an org chart ("like an eight-year-old imagining their dream treehouse") with the abstract details of his proposed communications company, Donda:
You'll notice, under "Trademarks & Patents," West conceived "Emoticon Auto Correct" technology.
"I actually need this," Colbert said. "The worse my eyesight gets, the harder it is to tell those little emojis apart. So for several months ... whenever someone texted me some bad news, instead of sending the crying emoji, I would accidentally send the laughing-so-hard-that-I'm-crying emoji."
"To any of my friends whose pet died or who's going through a divorce," Colbert added, "your tragedy is not hilarious to me."
Watch the full segment below: