Just when you thought this week was going to be worthless, Chris Christie — New Jersey governor, recently retired presidential candidate, jilted admirer of Bruce Springsteen — decided to save us all by endorsing Donald Trump for president. Christie was considered a contestant in the "establishment" lane in the GOP primary, so jumping ship to the "Trump" lane, so named like all things in Trump's purview after the man himself, is causing much confusion and consternation.
Is he trying to get a spot in the Trump administration? Does he think Trump might smooth things over with Bruce? Does he see himself hosting beauty pageants for the next phase of his career? Is this some kind of conspiracy of people who can see the Statue of Liberty from their house?
No, it appears that Christie's reason for backing Trump might be as simple as plain old revenge. As The New York Times reports, Christie "expressed his anger Friday at Sen. Marco Rubio, who he was said to be upset with, blaming the 'super PAC' backing the Florida senator for halting his momentum in New Hampshire with a string of slash-and-burn ads."
Super PACs aren't actually supposed to be coordinating with campaigns, but I'm not going to be the one to let these inconvenient details get in the way of a good revenge story. Hopefully Chris Christie walked off the stage with Trump and got right on the phone with Quentin Tarantino to option his story for a fictionalized retelling where Christie's character, played by Kurt Russell in the movie, karate-chops Rubio, played by Ryan Reynolds, during a tense debate, revealing the circuit board lurking right underneath Rubio's smiling face.
Christie had some words for why he was supporting Trump, about how Trump "will do exactly what needs to be done to make America a leader around the world again," but there is no need to believe any of that political pablum. Christie's steely-eyed glare is fixed solely on his nemesis with the pointy shoes, Marco Rubio.
Sure, Christie did serious, perhaps irreparable damage to Rubio during a New Hampshire debate at the beginning of February when he baited Rubio into repeating the same talking point, nearly word for word, three times and then crowing with pleasure while pointing out Rubio's shame to the whole world. You'd think, after that, Christie was done kicking Rubio, but he's from New Jersey, y'all, and he's not giving up until he is certain that he's destroyed his enemy.
"The fact is desperate people do desperate things. And I've seen it throughout politics and so have you," Christie said, mocking Rubio's attempts to get into some insult war with Trump during Thursday's debate. "The idea that Marco Rubio can get inside Donald Trump’s head is an interesting position, but one that is really for the D.C. parlor game."
Trump concurred, saying that Rubio wears "a pile of makeup" for debates and he personally advised, "I said Marco, easy with the makeup, you don’t need that much."
You say that, Trump, but how else can he hide his circuitry under all those hot lights?
Some might say that Christie's behavior here is baffling, short-sighted or petty. But I, for one, am glad to see that he's found a way to work out the vengeful side of his character without inconveniencing a bunch of innocent commuters just trying to cross a bridge. Well done, Chris. Well done.