Patton Oswalt is live-tweeting tonight’s Republican debate and — needless to say — is winning the Internet in the process of doing so. Points!
YOUR PRESENCE IS REQUESTED IN MY BELLY, AUCHENTOSHEN. #GOPDebate pic.twitter.com/NtiN1Qihpn
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
Wait, Ted Cruz invoked The Alamo for tonight's debate? Does he, uh, know what happened at The Alamo? #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
Not saying Pappy Bush looks old but I'm waiting for him to say, "Where's my CAKE, Bedelia?!?" #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
Somewhere, Jeb Bush is in his basement, Rupert Pupkin-style, debating a cardboard standee of Jack Sparrow. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
Rubio's already sweating. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
You don't need to chant "USA!" after the National Anthem because you JUST HEARD THE NATIONAL ANTHEM FER CHRISSAKES. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
"Here's how tonight's debate will work: like trying to fix a motherboard with a wet lizard turd." #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
The abyss of destruction! Ben Carson sprinting fairy dust and rainbows in his opening statement! #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
When you say your father carried "mail" on his back you mean "mail" spelled that way. Right, Kasich? #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
Rubio: Let me be your sweatiest Commander in Chief. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
Ewwww, Cruz just said, "Welcome to Texas" like he'd just pulled his dick out. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
"This nation is a shithole but it'll change when I run it 'cuz it WON'T be a shithole you'll see it'll make you shit." — Trump #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
So Wolf's job here is to tattle on the candidates to each other and then ask for a response? #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
These dick-thimbles are gonna "out tough" each other on immigration until they promise to not let people leave their homes. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
Ted's hitting Donald. Nice. Shit-imp vs. hair-golem! #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
Some impressive aikido there, Ted. Nicely done. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
Come back, Jeb. Some of these candidates need their water glasses refilled. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
I love when Carson's eyes randomly snap open 'cuz it looks like a ghost only he can see is lunging at his face. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
Fuck you Wolf Blitzer, for giving Trump a set-up for that verbal spike and self-righteous rant. Disgusting. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
"I won most of the lawsuits." VERY presidential, Donald. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
I love how @CNN can't hide their glee having Trump on this debate. No tough questions, all set-ups for zingers. Fuck this. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
Um, Ted. Can we go back to the $100 in the underwear? BE GRAPHIC. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
Kasich, you are a calm, reasonable, DOOMED man. Good on ya for staying on the Wacky Wheel this long. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
Carson had a good point abouzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
Donald Trump: "I do great with Hispanics. Those rapists and drug dealers aren't dumb." #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
Why do I suspect the "Hispanics" who voted for Trump in Nevada were drunk frat bros wearing sombreros? #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
Hugh Hewitt lives in a terrifying world that only exists for him. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
Anyone gonna ask these guys about the latest mass shooting, which happened a few hours before this debate? #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
"The Fruit Salad Of Their Life" It's over, we have our next President. Everyone can go home. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
Rubio is feeling groovy-o right now. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
It's weird how Rubio and Trump just yelled at each other for a minute but Kasich looks like he took the brunt of it. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
"I want to create a 'Whoops! All Crunchberries!' level of insurance benefits." — Ben Carson #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
"Bananas, grapes & honeydews/Christians, Muslims, Sikhs and Jews/All in the fruit salad of your liiiiiiiife…" #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
Wolf's wearing a T-shirt that says, "When the hand goes UP the mouth goes SHUT." #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
This panel of archaic, heartless shitheads is still more diverse than The Oscars. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
"I also inherited an 8 billion dollar 'hole,' Oh, we were talking about budgets? Never mind." — Trump #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
Trump would be GREAT to negotiate peace for Israel. Has he said anything bad about Muslims recently? #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
Trump thinks he "may be able" to negotiate peace in the Middle East! I'm sold! #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
You can't kick the can down the road! Ya gotta get the horse out of the barn! Tire swing! Pie! Gingham! #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2016
