Jimmy Kimmel wanted to start Thursday night's show by talking a little geography, so he showed a choropleth map of the U.S. that ranked sexually-transmitted infections state-by-state.
"Do you like geography?" Kimmel asked his in-studio audience. "Well, here's a map of the United States. That's right, the most sexually diseased states."
"Now, as a general rule, the state with the most STDs is traditionally whichever state 'The Bachelor' is shooting. But not in this case," he continued. "California finished 16th, which is better than I thought we'd do. You know, Charlie Sheen lives here."
The host of "Jimmy Kimmel Live" then revealed that the most sexually diseased state is "fortunately" not attached to the continental U.S. Alaska has the highest cases of gonorrhea and chlamydia per 100,000 people, according to the study Kimmel was referencing.
"The reason they have the most STDs in Alaska is, well, have you ever tried to open a condom wearing mittens?" Kimmel joked.
The most STD-free states are in New England, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, with New Hampshire, Maine and Vermont reporting the least number of cases.
Kimmel suggested that Vermont should use these statistics to help boost tourism. He then played a commercial that features a catchy jingle celebrating the virtues of the Green Mountain State.
"Vermont it is the place to be / If you do not want to get an STD / Mountains and trees / And it won't hurt when you pee."
"Come to Vermont / We would love to see ya / We won't give you herpes or gonorrhea."