(CBS)

Stephen Colbert: Donald Trump "is a racist, horny old burger goblin who literally steals children"

"Now, I don’t know if we’ve arrived at 'dictatorship,' but we’ve definitely made it to 'd*ck,'" Colbert deadpanned


Rachel Leah
July 25, 2018 4:59PM (UTC)

From President Donald Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin's joint press conference, to a Twitter threat of war with Iran, to the continued separation of migrant children and their parents, the past week and a half has been a whirlwind when it comes to political news.

It is a nauseating news cycle that has the potential to drive you crazy, but Stephen Colbert wants you to know this: You are not the crazy one.

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"I’m so happy to be with you – you not-crazy people," Colbert said as he began his monologue on "The Late Show" Tuesday night. "Because, you gotta remember that you’re not crazy – no matter what Donald Trump says."

The CBS show then aired a clip of Trump speaking at the Veterans of Foreign Wars National Convention Tuesday, saying: "And just remember: What you’re seeing and what you are reading is not what’s happening."

"Oh, good. Oh, good," Colbert replied, clasping his chest in performative relief. "I was worried, because what I’m seeing and reading is that the president is a racist, horny old burger goblin who literally steals children from poor people."

Before Colbert could finish, he glanced off stage as if a producer were giving him notes.

"And, I’m being told he’s lying again," Colbert added." Well, that makes sense, because that’s another one of the things I’m seeing and reading. Every day, just like that, Donald Trump gets a little more brazen."

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READ MORE: Bill Browder and Vladimir Putin: A tangled tale of two nations, two centuries and a lot of history

As an example, the late night host referred to an announcement from White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders Monday that Trump is "considering stripping the security clearances from officials who have criticized him."

"Now, I don’t know if we’ve arrived at 'dictatorship,' but we’ve definitely made it to 'd*ck,'" Colbert quipped – and the audience roared.

"Next comes 'tator' . . . then 'ship.' As one Republican consultant said, 'Using executive authority to punish critics sets a bad precedent.' Yes, truly a bad president," the late night host continued.

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"I’m sorry – precedent," Colbert said, correcting himself. "I’m sorry – both. I’m sorry — not sorry."

Later in his monologue, Colbert addressed the news that Ivanka Trump was shutting down her fashion brand.

"She's closing down her namesake fashion brand, because she wants to spend more time with her namesake fascism brand," he deadpanned. "Evidently, her clothes weren't selling, but what's she going to do with all the unsold product? She's got all that inventory. Well, hopefully she'll take a cue from the losing Super Bowl teams and ship it to a developing country. Those kids deserve those clothes. After all, they made them."

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Colbert also told viewers that Ivanka Trump said she was closing down her fashion line and leaving the industry in order to pursue a career in public policy.

"Yes," the late night host replied, "She's already written her graduate thesis summing up everything she knows about public policy entitled: 'Thanks, Dad!'"

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Is Trump causing a crisis?

Why has the threat of a government shutdown become a powerful and common political weapon in Washington?


Rachel Leah

Rachel Leah is a culture writer for Salon. You can follow her on Twitter: @rachelkleah.

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