Football
Football: America’s favorite homoerotic sport
A tight embrace in the end zone, a gentle head-butt, a slap on the fanny -- it's all just innocent celebration. Isn't it?
The best TV commercial going during the playoffs is the Pepsi-Lay’s potato chip ad in which four collegiate-type guys watch a football game on TV together. They go to comical lengths not to touch each other — knees that accidentally meet jerk in opposite directions, hands that simultaneously land on a soda bottle recoil as though it were on fire. The camera cuts to a shot of the old alma mater scoring a touchdown on the tube, then back to the boys. They’re having an orgy, rolling all over the couch, hugging for joy.
I’ll leave it to those more familiar than I with the bizarre, deconstructionist thinking of the advertising industry to explain how this spot sells chips and soda pop, but what I’m really waiting for is someone more savvy about sexual identity than I to wade through the layers of meaning of this neat meditation on the repressed homoeroticism at the core of sports, and especially football, culture. Women’s sports culture, of course, is a whole nother world, with its own fascinating, but totally different, issues around sexuality.
Within moments of one of this commercial’s airings Sunday, Terrell Owens of the San Francisco 49ers scored a touchdown, and there was Garrison Hearst, hugging him, slapping fannies with him, doing that little forehead-touch thing that football players do that’s as close as you can get while wearing a football helmet to kissing. This is the same Garrison Hearst who earlier this season responded to former NFL lineman Esera Tuaolo coming out by saying, “Aww, hell no! I don’t want any faggots on my team. I know this might not be what people want to hear, but that’s a punk. I don’t want any faggots in this locker room.” Hearst later apologized, unenthusiastically.
And that’s the same Terrell Owens who two weeks ago scored a touchdown, grabbed a cheerleader’s pompons and did a little dance. Jim Buzinski of Outsports.com called it “the gayest thing I’ve ever seen in the NFL.”
Owens is not gay, unless he has a secret he’s not telling us. No NFL player is publicly gay. Considering that there are more than 1,300 men in the NFL at any one time, it’s a little hard to believe that they’re all straight, but any gays there might be are so deep in the closet that Tuaolo has said that in his nine years in the league, he was never aware of a fellow homosexual player.
That’s because the culture of pro football is decidedly homophobic. Take Jeremy Shockey of the New York Giants — San Francisco’s opponent Sunday. Right after the Tuaolo story broke, Shockey told Howard Stern and his listeners that he didn’t know if he had any gay teammates, but “I don’t like to think about that. I hope not.” He went on to say that he “wouldn’t, you know, stand for it” if he had known there were a gay player on his college team, because “they’re going to be in the shower with us and stuff, so I don’t think that’s going to work.”
Shockey apologized the next day, of course, saying he was just joking, which he clearly wasn’t. What was notable was that he seemed genuinely surprised that anybody took offense at his remarks. In his world, Shockey’s sentiments were mainstream thinking. Same goes for Hearst.
“The NFL is a supermacho culture,” Tuaolo wrote in ESPN the Magazine. “It’s a place for gladiators. And gladiators aren’t supposed to be gay.”
Which is precisely what makes it so fascinating that ballplayers spend so much time doing the things that straight men work so hard to avoid doing when they’re not on the field, things like hugging and slapping each other’s butts and holding hands and putting their foreheads together in tender gestures of affection. As in the Pepsi ad, straight men often go to great lengths to avoid even the most casual physical contact. You’ve noticed that empty seat between the two buddies at the movies or the ballgame, right?
The Pepsi commercial seems like a slight advance over a similar Heineken ad a few years ago. In that one, two guys in that same young male demographic are watching a game on the couch (of a very stylish split-level apartment, by the way, with track lighting). As in the Pepsi spot, we watch them from the point of view of the TV. One has gotten up to get a couple of beers, but he rushes back as his friend reacts to a great play. (“Go, baby, go! … Up the middle! … He’s gonna score! He’s in!” Whoa! Double entendre!)
The guy hurriedly plops down, practically on his friend’s lap, and hands him his beer. As they both watch the game, yelling at the screen, nudging each other, the friend’s hand closes over the beer-fetcher’s hand, on the bottle. They stop yelling. The light changes. They gaze at each other. “This Magic Moment” kicks in. The words “The Male Bonding Incident” appear on the screen. Suddenly, the spell is broken. The boys quickly scoot to opposite ends of the couch and make these cartoonish stretching movements as if to show that their huge muscles are tightening up or something. Then their eyes meet again. They chuckle nervously, cough and scooch even farther away, practically off the couch. “You know what this game needs?” one says as the screen goes black. “More cheerleaders!” “Oh, yeah, more cheerleaders,” the other says.
Because hey, we’re not gay or anything!
Neither spot strikes me as particularly homophobic. Both make fun of that silly straight-guy fear of appearing to be gay. The slight progress is that in the old beer ad, the guys have their “male bonding” moment, then act all embarrassed and in denial. They talk about cheerleaders to prove that they’re absolutely, positively, not queer. In the newer soda spot, the guys are self-conscious and embarrassed at first, but as we leave them, they are men loving men. “It’s not whether you win or lose,” the titles say, “it’s how you watch the game.” Yeah, baby.
That progress, however slight, is a good thing, and it’s indicative of a more general progress toward the eventual acceptance of gays in sports, a subject that bubbled up in the mainstream culture last summer when New York Mets star Mike Piazza denied published rumors that he’s gay, which had intensified after his manager, Bobby Valentine, said in a magazine interview that baseball was “probably ready for an openly gay player.”
“There absolutely is” progress, says Cyd Zeigler Jr., the co-founder with Buzinski of Outsports.com. He cites the national conversation sparked by the Piazza story, “and Esera Tuaolo really bringing it home and saying, ‘Uh, whether you think so or not, you’ve been playing with gay players, and I’m one of them.’”
Hearst and Shockey probably don’t feel any differently about gays than they did six months ago, and most likely their teammates don’t either. But they all saw what happened when Hearst and Shockey voiced those ugly opinions. Even if the bigots keep their mouths shut out of political correctness, that’s a step in the right direction. We’re one step closer to a time when an openly gay football player can hug his straight teammate in the end zone, and it’ll just be two football players celebrating a touchdown.
King Kaufman is a senior writer for Salon. You can e-mail him at king at salon dot com. Facebook / Twitter / Tumblr More King Kaufman.
Can Tebow find salvation?
Updated: After losing his job in Denver, evangelicals' favorite jock faces an uncertain future in New York.
Tim Tebow (Credit: Reuters/Rick WIlking) [UPDATED BELOW]
You don’t need to be an evangelical Christian to care about the future of Tim Tebow. I’m a lapsed atheist myself. But with the resurrection of quarterback Peyton Manning in Denver, I wonder most about the future of the spiritual scrambler, who led the Broncos to the playoffs last year.
The Broncos signing Manning to replace Tebow is a no-brainer. He may be diminished by age and injury, but he is also the best quarterback of our time, not because he is a brilliant coach’s puppet (Tom Brady) or an on-field, off-field brute (Ben Roethlisberger) but by virtue of a fierce work ethic and a concentrated intelligence that is contagious and inspirational. Whatever is left at age 35 of him will make the Broncos better.
Continue Reading CloseRobert Lipsyte is a former New York Times sports columnist. His new memoir, "An Accidental Sportswriter," has just been published. More Robert Lipsyte.
The Super Bowl is not a job creator
Despite what civic boosters say, hosting the big game provides few long-term benefits
(Credit: AP/Michael Conroy) Roger Goodell, the commissioner of the National Football League, argued on “60 Minutes” last Sunday that the NFL is one professional organization designed to appeal to the economic interests of the little guy: Its revenue-sharing model, he said, gives a fighting chance to squads from Green Bay and Buffalo as well as to those from large media markets like New York, Los Angeles and Boston.
On the eve of the Super Bowl, Goodell was touting the familiar idea that the sport’s biggest game is a boon to economic development. But with the cost of a ticket now averaging $3,982 and 30-second television spots selling for $3.5 million, the Super Bowl can appear to be more an occasion for ostentatious excess than an engine of development.
Continue Reading CloseAlexander Heffner is a freelance journalist whose writing has appeared in the New York Times, Washington Post, and Boston Globe. More Alexander Heffner.
Political lessons from this year’s Super Bowl
From jobs to health care, football's big game illustrates the factors that will dominate the 2012 election
New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady (Credit: AP Photo/Elise Amendola) Most Americans won’t need a justification to watch Sunday’s game, but if you’re a Salon reader you might think, even in passing, that celebrating the holiest day of violence, consumerism and class warfare on your couch is a betrayal of your values or a waste of your time. You might even imagine that it would be better to take a hike, read a book or meditate.
Not this Sunday, buster. It’s an election season. You need to watch this game to fully understand how jobs, religion, leadership and healthcare dominate every American contest.
Continue Reading CloseRobert Lipsyte is a former New York Times sports columnist. His new memoir, "An Accidental Sportswriter," has just been published. More Robert Lipsyte.
Enjoy the game? For the true fan, it’s all about agony
The New York Giants are in the Super Bowl. But for one obsessive, the question is what time to take the Ativan
Ohio State football fans (Credit: AP) “The truth is,” Nick Hornby wrote in “Fever Pitch,” his book about his obsession with Arsenal and British football, “for alarmingly large chunks of an average day, I am a moron.”
That’s a wonderful sentence by one of my favorite writers, but if Hornby is only a moron for only large chunks of the average day, he is doing a lot better than I am. I can honestly report that for the last few months I have been an absolute idiot for all but very small portions of the day.
Continue Reading CloseTed Heller's latest novel, "Pocket Kings," will be published in March. He is also the author of the novels "Slab Rat" and "Funnymen." More Ted Heller.
Small blunders kill Super Bowl dreams
For fans of the 49ers and Ravens, the road to the big game is paved with pain
Kyle Williams loses it Just when it looked like the NFC and AFC championship games were going to last until the Super Bowl, two fatal blunders brought them to an abrupt close. The stunning conclusions to two of the most tense, evenly matched conference championship games in recent memory were a painful reminder that although football is a team game, one miscue by a single player can wipe out thousands of hours of collective blood, sweat and tears.
It will be a sad and lonely night for Baltimore Ravens’ kicker Billy Cundiff, whose shanked chip-shot 32-yarder gave the AFC championship to the New England Patriots. Kickers must have strong mental constitutions: in a sport where bonds between teammates are cemented in blood and pain, they are not always regarded as full-fledged comrades to begin with, and so when they screw up, it’s even harder for them to deal with. The mantra “short memory,” which defensive backs are constantly shouting at each other, applies in spades to kickers. Cundiff could use a tall glass of Milk of Amnesia.
Continue Reading CloseGary Kamiya is a Salon contributing writer. More Gary Kamiya.
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