Football
Absolute power corrupts
The personal foibles that are costing college coaches their jobs at an alarming rate are only symptoms of a sick system.
It’s safe to say that Rick Neuheisel, fired Thursday as the University of Washington football coach, knew he shouldn’t have participated in NCAA basketball Tournament pools, a clear violation of a clear rule. He did, he won about $12,000 on a $6,400 bet, according to the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, and it cost him his job. So, OK: He’s an idiot.
But how many college coaches have to be caught misbehaving in species-threateningly stupid ways before it’s clear they’re not the problem, they’re a symptom? These guys operate in a sick system.
Neuheisel’s firing comes on the heels of Iowa State basketball coach Larry Eustachy losing his claim to the highest-paying government job in the state after being photographed nuzzling Mizzou undergrads at a frat party, which followed new Alabama football coach Mike Price getting the ax for his misadventures with the Pensacola ecdysiast community. Before that there were the academic and financial scandals that cost Georgia basketball coach Jim Harrick yet another job, and more academic shenanigans at Fresno State and St. Bonaventure. This is just in the last three months.
Never mind that Tournament office pool next March, here’s a pool we can jump in right now: Who’s going to be the next coach caught with his pants, literally or figuratively, down? Something tells me we won’t have to wait long for our winner.
“They’re risk takers,” says Murray Sperber, the Indiana University professor and author of “Beer and Circuses” and other books about college sports. “To go into a kind of coaching where you’ve gotta win, it’s on the line, takes a certain amount of risk taking. And I think you’ve also got to operate in a system where you constantly have to cut corners. Recruiting, for example. Even if you’re honestly recruiting you’re sort of cutting corners.”
The NCAA may be the greatest creator of fiction since Ernest Hemingway. The entire edifice of big-time college sports sits on a foundation of amateurism that’s completely bogus. The only thing amateurish about college sports is the athletes’ salaries, which are nonexistent. The fiction that college sports is all about education is what allows a multibillion-dollar enterprise to pay its principal employees nothing more than room, board and school tuition.
If the very ground you stand on is made up of lies, why tell the truth? If you’re willing to tell the star halfback that yes, you really care about his ambitions to become a veterinarian and will help him with his biology labs if necessary if he’ll just come tote the pigskin for State, where else are you willing to cut ethical, or moral, or even legal corners? Don’t answer. This is a rhetorical conversation.
None of the recently fired trio was exactly drowning babies. These guys weren’t CEOs bilking retirees out of their life savings or anything. Heck, Neuheisel’s toast for doing something you probably do every spring! They were just overpaid ball coaches with faulty superegos. That little voice that most of us have that says, “Hey, this is dumb and doesn’t get me much and it might cost me my job, so maybe it’s not worth it,” went unheard, muffled under a pile of greenbacks and drowned out by the braying of the boosters for more wins — or the coach’s head.
Although the amount Neuheisel bet and won seems staggering for an office pool, it was essentially pocket money to someone with his income, which was something more than his $1.2 million base salary. The equivalent gambling win for someone who makes $50,000 would be about 500 bucks on a $265 bet. Nice, but not worth risking your livelihood over.
And neither are a few beer-soaked cheek-kisses with Abercrombie-clad education majors or even whatever one might do with a stripper named Destiny who has custody of your credit card. What makes these guys take outsize risks isn’t that they really need whatever it is they might gain, it’s that they’re too big for rules.
“I think college coaches come to feel that they’re immune to the normal laws of human gravity,” says Sperber, who spent years observing Bob Knight at close range. “We’re talking now about celebrities. Why did Martha Stewart [allegedly] do what she did? It’s chump change, but the only explanation that I kind of like is that she feels that the normal laws didn’t apply to her because she’s special. Well, if you’re Rick Neuheisel and you’re brought to Washington and paid a million bucks, you’re pretty special.”
And that’s the problem. The split personality world of big-time college football and basketball says that while this whole thing is all about the educational experience of the players, you better win now, Mr. Coach, because this is big business. Winning means more donations, more ticket and merchandise sales, more TV money. It also means blue-chip players, who like to win and to play on TV, will be more likely to come and keep the whole thing going. The coach is the guy who brings those blue-chippers in. One who’s good at doing that is a valuable commodity. (And make no mistake, if the Huskies had gone 12-1 instead of 7-6 last year, Neuheisel would not be polishing his résumé right now.)
Of course, without the fiction of amateurism for athletes that keeps them from being paid, the coaches wouldn’t seem so valuable. If players were able to operate in a free market, to go where they could get the best deal — that is, if they were able to make decisions the same way the coaches, not to mention you and I, do — the coach would be less of a demigod.
For one thing, the wealth would be spread around. Instead of making a million bucks each, the football and basketball coach might have to divvy up that loot with 10 football players and three basketball players. The highest-paid public employee in most states might not even work for a college athletic program.
For another, the players would get a little more credit. People respect money, and since the coach gets all the money we all figure the coach deserves all the credit for winning. But we can see at every level of sports that the teams that win tend to be the ones with the best players. Watching schools bid on the services of players would force us to acknowledge their value.
I’m not holding my breath for any of this to happen. The NCAA will lecture sternly about its opposition to gambling — without mentioning all those pools that pump up interest in the basketball Tournament, many of which are run by campus bookies. Some coaches might even mind their P’s and Q’s for a while, chastened a bit by the coaching carnage in Iowa, Alabama and Washington.
And before too long, the next scandal will come skidding down the pike. Another coach will get caught thinking the rules don’t apply to him. I’ll put a dollar on Aug. 17. You?
King Kaufman is a senior writer for Salon. You can e-mail him at king at salon dot com. Facebook / Twitter / Tumblr More King Kaufman.
Can Tebow find salvation?
Updated: After losing his job in Denver, evangelicals' favorite jock faces an uncertain future in New York.
Tim Tebow (Credit: Reuters/Rick WIlking) [UPDATED BELOW]
You don’t need to be an evangelical Christian to care about the future of Tim Tebow. I’m a lapsed atheist myself. But with the resurrection of quarterback Peyton Manning in Denver, I wonder most about the future of the spiritual scrambler, who led the Broncos to the playoffs last year.
The Broncos signing Manning to replace Tebow is a no-brainer. He may be diminished by age and injury, but he is also the best quarterback of our time, not because he is a brilliant coach’s puppet (Tom Brady) or an on-field, off-field brute (Ben Roethlisberger) but by virtue of a fierce work ethic and a concentrated intelligence that is contagious and inspirational. Whatever is left at age 35 of him will make the Broncos better.
Continue Reading CloseRobert Lipsyte is a former New York Times sports columnist. His new memoir, "An Accidental Sportswriter," has just been published. More Robert Lipsyte.
The Super Bowl is not a job creator
Despite what civic boosters say, hosting the big game provides few long-term benefits
(Credit: AP/Michael Conroy) Roger Goodell, the commissioner of the National Football League, argued on “60 Minutes” last Sunday that the NFL is one professional organization designed to appeal to the economic interests of the little guy: Its revenue-sharing model, he said, gives a fighting chance to squads from Green Bay and Buffalo as well as to those from large media markets like New York, Los Angeles and Boston.
On the eve of the Super Bowl, Goodell was touting the familiar idea that the sport’s biggest game is a boon to economic development. But with the cost of a ticket now averaging $3,982 and 30-second television spots selling for $3.5 million, the Super Bowl can appear to be more an occasion for ostentatious excess than an engine of development.
Continue Reading CloseAlexander Heffner is a freelance journalist whose writing has appeared in the New York Times, Washington Post, and Boston Globe. More Alexander Heffner.
Political lessons from this year’s Super Bowl
From jobs to health care, football's big game illustrates the factors that will dominate the 2012 election
New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady (Credit: AP Photo/Elise Amendola) Most Americans won’t need a justification to watch Sunday’s game, but if you’re a Salon reader you might think, even in passing, that celebrating the holiest day of violence, consumerism and class warfare on your couch is a betrayal of your values or a waste of your time. You might even imagine that it would be better to take a hike, read a book or meditate.
Not this Sunday, buster. It’s an election season. You need to watch this game to fully understand how jobs, religion, leadership and healthcare dominate every American contest.
Continue Reading CloseRobert Lipsyte is a former New York Times sports columnist. His new memoir, "An Accidental Sportswriter," has just been published. More Robert Lipsyte.
Enjoy the game? For the true fan, it’s all about agony
The New York Giants are in the Super Bowl. But for one obsessive, the question is what time to take the Ativan
Ohio State football fans (Credit: AP) “The truth is,” Nick Hornby wrote in “Fever Pitch,” his book about his obsession with Arsenal and British football, “for alarmingly large chunks of an average day, I am a moron.”
That’s a wonderful sentence by one of my favorite writers, but if Hornby is only a moron for only large chunks of the average day, he is doing a lot better than I am. I can honestly report that for the last few months I have been an absolute idiot for all but very small portions of the day.
Continue Reading CloseTed Heller's latest novel, "Pocket Kings," will be published in March. He is also the author of the novels "Slab Rat" and "Funnymen." More Ted Heller.
Small blunders kill Super Bowl dreams
For fans of the 49ers and Ravens, the road to the big game is paved with pain
Kyle Williams loses it Just when it looked like the NFC and AFC championship games were going to last until the Super Bowl, two fatal blunders brought them to an abrupt close. The stunning conclusions to two of the most tense, evenly matched conference championship games in recent memory were a painful reminder that although football is a team game, one miscue by a single player can wipe out thousands of hours of collective blood, sweat and tears.
It will be a sad and lonely night for Baltimore Ravens’ kicker Billy Cundiff, whose shanked chip-shot 32-yarder gave the AFC championship to the New England Patriots. Kickers must have strong mental constitutions: in a sport where bonds between teammates are cemented in blood and pain, they are not always regarded as full-fledged comrades to begin with, and so when they screw up, it’s even harder for them to deal with. The mantra “short memory,” which defensive backs are constantly shouting at each other, applies in spades to kickers. Cundiff could use a tall glass of Milk of Amnesia.
Continue Reading CloseGary Kamiya is a Salon contributing writer. More Gary Kamiya.
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