The Fix

Letterman has wedding suggestion for Ben and Matt, Ozzy injured in England, and shoppers say they want Carson! Plus: Diane Sawyer sits down with George and Laura.

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Matt Damon was on David Letterman last night and Dave asked Matt what was up with his buddy Ben Affleck and that chick J.Lo. Matt said, “Hey, I was just in a writing class with Ben for six weeks, then the movie came out. I don’t know the guy.” Damon said it was great to meet huge superstars like J.Lo and Cher (who is in Matt’s latest movie, “Stuck on You”) and find out they are just regular people. “Hey,” suggested Dave, “why doesn’t Ben marry Jen and you marry Cher?!” “Yeah,” replied Matt, “and we can all have a nice quiet double wedding somewhere.” It’s late-night TV banter at its best, folks.

Poor Ozzy Osbourne keeps getting in fixes. Yesterday he had a terrible all-terrain bike accident that put him in the hospital for emergency surgery after he broke his collarbone, eight ribs and a vertebra in his neck. The Oz was in England promoting a duet he did with his daughter, Kelly. Sharon Osbourne flew to his side from the set of the MTV show they are taping. Do more things happen to families that put their lives on TV? (BBC)

OK, did you know that there is a company called Jericho that goes to malls and asks people who they’d like to shop with and who they’d buy products from? Neither did I. And these surveys always bring up more questions than they answer (like — did they talk to 10 people or 20,000 and did they offer a set list or could people put down “Leonardo da Vinci”?) But, hey, why be a niggling nitpicker at a time like this? The results of the mall sweep were that most people would adore shopping with “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” fashion guru Carson Kressley and most would shun shopping with “Bachelorette” Trista Rehn. And the queer guys get people into the stores on Wednesdays (the day after the show airs) to buy — what else? Hair products! The second most preferred shopping pal after Carson was Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger. The survey didn’t say whether these people had hair gel or Humvees on their lists. (Media Life Magazine via I Want Media)



Get out your Pepto, it’s a sit-down next week with the kittenish Diane Sawyer and the wannabe cowboy George W. Bush. ABC will air the chat on “Primetime Thursday” Dec. 18. First lady Laura Bush will also join the holiday hoedown. No word yet on whether Diane’s other friends the Dixie Chicks were invited. (ABC News)

Today is a sad, sad day for average joes everywhere — or at least for average joes intent on dating hot blonde professional cheerleaders. Alas, Adam, the last only-OK-looking contender on NBC’s alarmingly addictive reality TV show “Average Joe,” was ultimately bested by bland pretty-boy Jason, whom Melana chose to jet off with on a get-to-know-you (all two inches thick of you) jaunt. Adam — poor, sweet, earnest Adam, who at one point was so happy to be dancing with his pom-pom princess that he said he wanted to run out and “give charity” to those less fortunate than he (awwww!) — turned out to be more popular than average, more romantic than average and way richer than average, but couldn’t overcome his much bigger-than-average teeth, knack for burning the fluffy, pink stuffed animals and odd habit of jogging with a huge log across his shoulders to get his dream girl. (What was that?) I know, I know, you’re heart’s just a-breakin’ for the 27-year-old millionaire, isn’t it?

Gwyneth Paltrow: honest woman. A “source close to” Paltrow’s baby daddy, Coldplay singer Chris Martin, has confirmed to Page Six that Paltrow and Martin tied the knot last Friday in a “very small, very private ceremony in a California hotel suite” and are now honeymooning in Cabo San Lucas. So very un-J.Lo of them.

And speaking of Paltrow’s ex’s current squeeze … J.Lo and Ben Affleck may well be cooling down a bit. Affleck had been quoted in the London Sun thusly: “You’d be bored by my sex life now! It’s like 10 minutes — completely routine.” (Page Six)

Money Quote
A weight-loss method that doesn’t suck: Helena Bonham Carter on breast-feeding her baby son, Billy: “People are like, ‘You’re still breast-feeding, that’s so generous.’ Generous, no! It gives me boobs and it takes my thighs away! It’s sort of like natural liposuction. I’d carry on breast-feeding for the rest of my life if I could.” (Boldface Names)

Best of the Rest
Page Six: Kobe Bryant’s attorneys file motion to ban hangman T-shirts from court; Paris Hilton said to have been offered $3 million to do another reality series for Fox; Denise Rich forced to take Amtrak to Philadelphia charity dinner during snowstorm; Pink and Tommy Lee said to have been spotted “simulating sex” in front of a urinal in men’s room at N.Y. club; PETA appeals to Rush Limbaugh to take stance against testing addictive drugs on animals; Jennifer Lopez kisses and makes up with ex-manager Benny Medina; Britney Spears rep denies that she threw up at Hawaii hotspot, claims it was her “lookalike pal” who did the public hurling.

Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: The Hilton family celebrates daughter Paris’ appearance on “Saturday Night Live,” in which she bantered with Jimmy Fallon about her infamous sex video, a skit Paris’ 14-year-old bro said was “really good!”; Page Six reporter Ian Spiegelman compares writing a gossip column to being in the Mafia; Donna Brazile cracks jokes about current batch of Democratic candidates; staunch vegan Moby doesn’t make a peep when served meat-topped pizza at MoveOn.org party.

Rush and Molloy: Drudge report that Barbra Streisand “may be stripped” of her Grammy nomination due to missed deadline appears to be untrue; Ben Kingsley marries young wife, German model Alexandra Christmann, again in traditional Persian ceremony, despite fact that neither one of them is Persian; Renée Zellweger and rocker boyfriend Jack White said to have been spotted ring shopping; Howard Stern says his girlfriend’s thinking of suing Don Imus for lampooning her on the air; NYC Mayor Bloomberg flirts with gay audience at Toys for Tots benefit; Jude Law and Sadie Frost to reconcile long enough to spend Christmas with their three kids; Justin Timberlake goes on $1.7 million, late-night shopping spree at Harrod’s in London.

Amy Reiter

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Karen Croft is the editor of Salon Sex.

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