SALON

Wednesday, Aug 9, 2006 9:45 AM UTC

All the guys I’m dating want me to shave down there

Doesn't anybody like the full bush anymore?

By

Topics: Since You Asked, Pornography,

Hello, Cary –

I am a 40-year-old single heterosexual woman, living in New York City. Just like thousands of other women I wonder if I will ever find The One, or if I will be a lonely old lady with cats who yells at the neighbors.

I know that nowadays, the style for women is to shave their pubic hair, maybe leaving a tiny strip, à la Brazilian wax. I have dated a few men who have asked me to shave my pubic hair.

The first time I was asked, I tried it — why not? I thought — just to see what it would look like.

Well, I am a bit overweight, so it looked like a giant baby’s crotch, which grossed me out. It freaked me out even more when the guy liked it. I couldn’t stand to see him anymore — what did he want with a crotch that looked like a baby’s? Then of course, when it grew back in, I got all ingrown hairs and it was extremely uncomfortable.

Now, when I date someone, if he mentions that maybe I could shave my crotch, I am so horrified that I can’t see him anymore.

So now I am curious. Do most women do this today? Are there guys who don’t mind pubic hair au naturel? Or is this another item for my list of criteria (smart, considerate, financially responsible, not boring, hetero) that will make it nearly impossible for me to find someone?

Will I end up a lonely old lady who yells at her neighbors?

My Cats Don’t Mind Fur

Dear Furry One,

It has occurred to me lately that I just can’t answer some questions, even when the subjects are too intriguing to pass up. Sometimes when that happens, rather than own up to the fact that it’s not something I can answer, I try to answer anyway and make a mess of it. So this time I’m just going to own up: I have no idea what women are shaving. I have not been having sex with women other than my wife for about 17 years. So I don’t know what their pussies look like. I don’t ask, either. I know many women — I mean, I have friends and all that — but I don’t ask them whether their pussies are shaved or not. So the readers are going to have to help you out with this one. I have no doubt they will. Our readers are helpful and well-informed. They display an inordinate willingness to share their most intimate thoughts and feelings. The most I could do is a good deal of hypothesizing on what the meaning of a full bush vs. the shaved look could be — the infantilizing of the female genitalia, etc. I could also suggest that pornography has transformed the pussy into a legitimate object of style, like legs or lips; it’s so widely represented that it has become public — though it is still viewed largely in private. That whole area used to be called “your privates.” Not anymore. Even your pubic hairs aren’t private anymore. Now they’re public hairs. Readers?

- – - – - – - – - – - -

What? You want more?

  • Read more Cary Tennis in the Since You Asked directory.

    • Cary Tennis

    Cary Tennis writes Salon's advice column and leads writing workshops and retreats.

    • Send me a letter! Ask for advice!
      • Letter writers please note: By sending a letter to advice@salon.com, you are giving Salon permission to publish it. Once you submit it, it may not be possible to rescind it. So be sure.
    Writing Workshop in Amsterdam More Cary Tennis.

    Next Article

    Related Stories

    More Related Stories

    Featured Slide Shows

    The week in 10 pics

    close X
    • Share on Twitter
    • Share on Facebook
    • Thumbnails
    • Fullscreen
    • 1 of 11
    • Lisa Montgomery embraces her nephew Thursday after a tornado tore apart her home in Cleburne, Texas. The twister killed six people and destroyed entire swaths of the North Texas town.
      Credit: AP/LM Otero

    • Jack McMahon, the defense attorney for abortion doctor Kermit Gosnell, speaks outside the Criminal Justice Center in Philadelphia Tuesday. His client was convicted of killing three babies in his clinic, and will serve multiple life sentences.
      Credit: AP/Matt Rourke

    • A photo taken Monday captures Vice President Joe Biden's response to a Milwaukee second-grader's innovative proposal to end America's epidemic of gun violence. This guy!
      Credit: AP/Jenny Aicher

    • Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky., flanked by a grouper-eyed Michele Bachmann, addresses the IRS' admission that it targeted Tea Party groups in advance of the 2012 election. In an op-ed for CNN Thursday, the Kentucky senator slammed the president for his faux outrage.
      Credit: AP/Molly Riley

    • Ousted IRS chief Steven Miller is sworn in on Capitol Hill Friday. Miller testified before the House Ways and Means Committee on the extra scrutiny the agency gave conservative groups applying for tax-exempt status.
      Credit: AP/J. Scott Applewhite

    • Attorney General Eric Holder pauses as he testifies on Capitol Hill before the House Judiciary Committee Wednesday. Holder is under fire, among other things, for the Justice Department's gathering of phone records at the Associated Press.
      Credit: AP/Carolyn Kaster

    • O.J. Simpson sits during an evidentiary hearing at Clark County District Court in Las Vegas, Nev., Thursday. Simpson, who is currently serving a nine-to-33-year sentence in state prison for armed robbery and kidnapping, is using a writ of habeas corpus to seek a new trial.
      Credit: AP/Las Vegas Review-Journal/Jeff Scheid

    • Major Tom to ground control: On Sunday astronaut Chris Hadfield recorded the first music video from space, a cover of David Bowie's "Space Oddity."
      Credit: AP/NASA/Chris Hadfield

    • When it rains it pours. President Barack Obama speaks during a news conference Thursday with Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan, inexplicably inspiring an #umbrellagate Twitter meme.
      Credit: AP/Jacquelyn Martin

    • A smoke plume rises high above a road block at the intersection of County A and Ross Road east of Solon Springs, Wis., Tuesday. No injuries were reported, but the the wildfire caused evacuations across northwestern Wisconsin.
      Credit: AP/The Duluth News-Tribune/Clint Austin

    • Recent Slide Shows

    • Share on Twitter
    • Share on Facebook
    • Thumbnails
    • Fullscreen
    • 1 of 11

    Related Videos

    Comments

     362 Comments

    Comment Preview

    Your name will appear as username

    You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>

    follow salon

    Most Read

    Popular on Reddit

    links from salon.com

    From Around the Web

    Presented by Scribol
    listener_new_rect The Listener: So long, Sookie Stackhouse

    Recommendations