Football
NFL Week 5: Debatable picks
The question is which team is ready to break out. The answer: Let me talk about my energy policy.
It’s October, when this column traditionally limits the weekly NFL preview to two sentences per game blurb because it’s been paying attention to the baseball playoffs and ignoring football.
I always say this method leads to a better record in October than in other months, but I think really it just happened once in about 2003 and I’ve been joking about it ever since. I hate to have a beautiful schtick ruined by ugly facts, so I don’t want to check.
But it’s time for change. I’ve been able to stay current on the NFL by regularly reading newspapers and magazines. I’ve read most of them, again with a great appreciation for the press, for the media. I have a vast variety of sources where I get my news.
So here are the Week 5 picks, with full freedom of speech, and the picks of Buster, the game-pickinest 5-year-old in the Lower 48, and Daisy, the coin-flippinest 3-year-old who ever bagged a moose, included. They take all favorites of six points or more.
Sunday early games
Tennessee (4-0) at BALTIMORE (2-1)
Which dominant defense is going to carry the day? Let’s just say I want to talk about my record on energy. But I do think the defenses alone could beat the over of 35.
Kids: Baltimore
Kansas City (1-3) at CAROLINA (3-1)
Now that the Chiefs have ended the What the Heck™ Pick’s perfect season, they can go back to losing.
Kids: Carolina (10-point favorite)
CHICAGO (2-2) at Detroit (0-3)
The post-Millen era begins pretty much the way the Millen era ended. And began. And middled.
Buster: Chicago
Daisy: Detroit
Atlanta (2-2) at GREEN BAY (2-2)
Quarterback Aaron Rodgers and linebacker A.J. Hawk are looking like game-time decisions with shoulder and groin injuries, respectively, so the Packers could be thin. Atlanta has beaten two of the weakest teams in the league, the Lions and Chiefs, at home, and lost two road games to pretty good teams, the Bucs and Panthers, by the score of 24-9. Ah, why not. Prediction: 24-9, Packers.
Buster: Green Bay
Daisy: Atlanta
INDIANAPOLIS (1-2) at Houston (0-3)
The Texans will try to drill, baby, drill against the weak Indy run defense, but America is ready for a change — in Peyton Manning’s performance.
Kids: Houston
SAN DIEGO (2-2) at Miami (1-2)
The Chargers have rebounded from their two opening losses with wins over two of the weirdest teams in the NFL, the Jets and Raiders, while the Dolphins are coming off either the upset of the year if the Patriots are still good without Tom Brady or just a nice win if they’re not. There I go again, pointing backward. Doggone it, let’s look ahead. Philip Rivers should light up the scoreboard.
Kids: San Diego (6.5-point favorite)
Seattle (1-2) at N.Y. GIANTS (3-0)
With Plaxico Burress suspended for a game, who’ll drop Eli Manning’s passes?
Kids: New York (7.5-point favorite)
Washington (3-1) at PHILADELPHIA (2-2)
New coach Jim Zorn is a Washington outsider who has come in and created change. In the way everyone looks at his team. It was supposed to be an afterthought in the powerful NFC East, but after a stunner over Dallas last week, it’s right in the mix. But Washington is weak on defense, thanks to some injuries, and two road upsets in a row is asking a lot.
Kids: Philadelphia (6-point favorite)
Sunday late games
TAMPA BAY (3-1) at Denver (3-1)
After that Kansas City debacle, I need to see the Broncos tackle somebody before I’m ready to pick them again, even at home.
Kids: Denver
BUFFALO (4-0) at Arizona (2-2)
The Bills running game should be able to control this game, though not in the spectacular fashion Brett Favre and the Jets controlled the Cardinals a week ago. Is it too early to talk about the Bills going 16-0? Of course it isn’t. I mean, if you’re going to talk about that, better do it early, right?
Buster: Arizona
Daisy: Buffalo
CINCINNATI (0-4) at Dallas (3-1)
What the Heck™ Pick of the Week. This one might be the WTH™ Pick of the year. But it’s early yet.
Kids: Dallas (17.5-point favorite)
NEW ENGLAND (2-1) at San Francisco (2-2)
Never mind Cubs fans booing Ryan Dempster. How about Patriots fans booing their team as they left the field at halftime two weeks ago, trailing Miami 21-6. The Patriots had won 21 straight regular-season games, 28 of 31 games overall including playoffs, and they hadn’t lost at home since Nov. 12, 2006. Then they fell behind in the first half of one game, without their star quarterback. And the fans booed ‘em. Pats fans have pulled into first place in the Most Obnoxiously Entitled Fans in Sports sweepstakes.
Kids: San Francisco
Sunday night game
Pittsburgh (3-1) at JACKSONVILLE (2-2)
The Steelers survived a bruiser against the Ravens last week, and now they have to go right back into the breach in Jacksonville. If the Jags pass rush is going to get well, now’s the time. Ben Roethlisberger got sacked three times going to the grocery store this week.
Buster: Pittsburgh
Daisy: Jacksonville
Monday night games
MINNESOTA (1-3) at New Orleans (2-2)
Adrian Peterson is due for a breakout game after a pair of pedestrian efforts against the Panthers and Titans. Just a hunch here that he’ll lead the Vikes to an upset win. A maverick pick, if you will.
Kids: New Orleans
Season record: 37-23
Last week: 8-5
What the Heck™ Picks: 1-3
Actual number of newspapers and magazines I read about the NFL: All of ‘em, any of ‘em that have been in front of me over all these years
King Kaufman is a senior writer for Salon. You can e-mail him at king at salon dot com. Facebook / Twitter / Tumblr More King Kaufman.
Can Tebow find salvation?
Updated: After losing his job in Denver, evangelicals' favorite jock faces an uncertain future in New York.
Tim Tebow (Credit: Reuters/Rick WIlking) [UPDATED BELOW]
You don’t need to be an evangelical Christian to care about the future of Tim Tebow. I’m a lapsed atheist myself. But with the resurrection of quarterback Peyton Manning in Denver, I wonder most about the future of the spiritual scrambler, who led the Broncos to the playoffs last year.
The Broncos signing Manning to replace Tebow is a no-brainer. He may be diminished by age and injury, but he is also the best quarterback of our time, not because he is a brilliant coach’s puppet (Tom Brady) or an on-field, off-field brute (Ben Roethlisberger) but by virtue of a fierce work ethic and a concentrated intelligence that is contagious and inspirational. Whatever is left at age 35 of him will make the Broncos better.
Continue Reading CloseRobert Lipsyte is a former New York Times sports columnist. His new memoir, "An Accidental Sportswriter," has just been published. More Robert Lipsyte.
The Super Bowl is not a job creator
Despite what civic boosters say, hosting the big game provides few long-term benefits
(Credit: AP/Michael Conroy) Roger Goodell, the commissioner of the National Football League, argued on “60 Minutes” last Sunday that the NFL is one professional organization designed to appeal to the economic interests of the little guy: Its revenue-sharing model, he said, gives a fighting chance to squads from Green Bay and Buffalo as well as to those from large media markets like New York, Los Angeles and Boston.
On the eve of the Super Bowl, Goodell was touting the familiar idea that the sport’s biggest game is a boon to economic development. But with the cost of a ticket now averaging $3,982 and 30-second television spots selling for $3.5 million, the Super Bowl can appear to be more an occasion for ostentatious excess than an engine of development.
Continue Reading CloseAlexander Heffner is a freelance journalist whose writing has appeared in the New York Times, Washington Post, and Boston Globe. More Alexander Heffner.
Political lessons from this year’s Super Bowl
From jobs to health care, football's big game illustrates the factors that will dominate the 2012 election
New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady (Credit: AP Photo/Elise Amendola) Most Americans won’t need a justification to watch Sunday’s game, but if you’re a Salon reader you might think, even in passing, that celebrating the holiest day of violence, consumerism and class warfare on your couch is a betrayal of your values or a waste of your time. You might even imagine that it would be better to take a hike, read a book or meditate.
Not this Sunday, buster. It’s an election season. You need to watch this game to fully understand how jobs, religion, leadership and healthcare dominate every American contest.
Continue Reading CloseRobert Lipsyte is a former New York Times sports columnist. His new memoir, "An Accidental Sportswriter," has just been published. More Robert Lipsyte.
Enjoy the game? For the true fan, it’s all about agony
The New York Giants are in the Super Bowl. But for one obsessive, the question is what time to take the Ativan
Ohio State football fans (Credit: AP) “The truth is,” Nick Hornby wrote in “Fever Pitch,” his book about his obsession with Arsenal and British football, “for alarmingly large chunks of an average day, I am a moron.”
That’s a wonderful sentence by one of my favorite writers, but if Hornby is only a moron for only large chunks of the average day, he is doing a lot better than I am. I can honestly report that for the last few months I have been an absolute idiot for all but very small portions of the day.
Continue Reading CloseTed Heller's latest novel, "Pocket Kings," will be published in March. He is also the author of the novels "Slab Rat" and "Funnymen." More Ted Heller.
Small blunders kill Super Bowl dreams
For fans of the 49ers and Ravens, the road to the big game is paved with pain
Kyle Williams loses it Just when it looked like the NFC and AFC championship games were going to last until the Super Bowl, two fatal blunders brought them to an abrupt close. The stunning conclusions to two of the most tense, evenly matched conference championship games in recent memory were a painful reminder that although football is a team game, one miscue by a single player can wipe out thousands of hours of collective blood, sweat and tears.
It will be a sad and lonely night for Baltimore Ravens’ kicker Billy Cundiff, whose shanked chip-shot 32-yarder gave the AFC championship to the New England Patriots. Kickers must have strong mental constitutions: in a sport where bonds between teammates are cemented in blood and pain, they are not always regarded as full-fledged comrades to begin with, and so when they screw up, it’s even harder for them to deal with. The mantra “short memory,” which defensive backs are constantly shouting at each other, applies in spades to kickers. Cundiff could use a tall glass of Milk of Amnesia.
Continue Reading CloseGary Kamiya is a Salon contributing writer. More Gary Kamiya.
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