Mike Madden

William F. Buckley’s bar mitzvah speech

Welcome to CPAC 2009, truly the home of the weird.

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WASHINGTON — I was shooting as fast as I could, but the varmints were getting away.

Ah, the joys of CPAC. The annual conservative gathering here has grown from a tiny gathering of true believers in a suburban hotel to something that more resembles a right-wing Burning Man festival, uniting anti-tax nuts, rabid anti-choicers, fringe libertarian groups and anyone else who’s ever woken up feeling flushed and sweaty after a dream about Ronald Reagan. On Friday afternoon, as a speaker entertained the crowd in the Omni Shoreham ballroom with a talk asking “Will Obama’s tax policy kill entrepreneurship?” I wandered into the exhibition hall, where grass-roots organizations and political consultants had set up booths to peddle their wares or ideology to the conservatives in attendance.

And that was how I found myself at one of the National Rifle Association’s several booths, playing its “Varmint Town” game, shooting animated weasels with a realistically weighted, fluorescent orange, infrared rifle, while lobbyists who work hard — every day — to make sure I have the right to carry an assault weapon around wherever I go watched approvingly. For a political reporter, I wasn’t bad; I hit 39 of the virtual rodents, and the game informed me my shooting accuracy was a halfway respectable 43 percent. (That wasn’t near good enough to crack the top 10 at CPAC, though.) Next door, the NRA passed out bright yellow Velcro-closing tote bags, in exchange for giving your e-mail address to the people behind their blog.

While the speeches drew the big headlines, the exhibit hall, and the Republican-oriented job fair attached to it, seemed to draw most of the crowd most of the time. One group was giving out enormous posters of Sarah Palin, a chirpy young blonde woman handing them over to an endless line of pasty young conservative boys in khakis. (The vast majority of the 8,500 people at CPAC seemed to be college Republican types, who erupted with joy Friday when Ron Paul took the stage.) Another, originally formed as Muslims for Bush, was passing out little blue flashlights inscribed with its new name, Muslims for America; the woman who handed me a flashlight also took pains to note, “I’m a Christian — but I’m reading the Koran.” The Susan B. Anthony List booth passed out stickers reading, “Stop the Abortion Bailout,” and a staffer told me the “abortion industry” had requested $1.5 billion in federal funds (though she didn’t specify whether that was part of the Troubled Assets Recovery Program, the economic stimulus or the mortgage rescue plan). Sam Wurzelbacher signed copies of his book off in a corner; everyone who approached called him “Joe,” and he never corrected any of them.

A few conservative stars did manage to corral the attendees back into the ballroom. Newt Gingrich walked in for his speech, just before lunchtime, from the back of the room, shaking hands and hugging admirers like the president walking through the House chamber on his way to deliver a State of the Union speech, while “Eye of the Tiger” blared. He recommended two paranoid, apocalyptic novels for President Obama to read, one where terrorists seek to detonate a nuclear bomb at the Capitol during the State of the Union, and one where other terrorists set off an electromagnetic pulse that renders all electric devices useless. Mitt Romney, revisiting the site of his withdrawal from the GOP presidential contest a year ago, brought the red meat. “I got to get through this speech before federal officials come and arrest me for practicing capitalism,” he said. Ron Paul got an ovation for complaining about U.S. involvement in World War I.

But by far the strangest moment at the podium came during a panel on “Conservative Victories in the 2008 Elections.” (Yes, really.) Nineteen people — with names like Flagg Youngblood, Spear Lancaster and Smoot Carter — sat at the dais, and each one dashed up to the mics, delivered a two-minute speech full of right-wing clichés, and sat down again. “We are the future, fellow young conservatives,” one speaker declared. “The future is the present. The present is now.” True wisdom — and also a fine mashup of “Buckaroo Banzai” and “Atlas Shrugged.”

Midway through the panel, Jonathan Krohn stepped up to the mic. Krohn, the moderator informed the audience, was not only a published author, but had also had three callbacks for a Broadway production of “Mary Poppins.” Jonathan Krohn, you see, is 13 years old (though he’ll turn 14 on Sunday). And watching his impassioned, three-minute defense of conservative principles was like watching William F. Buckley’s bar mitzvah speech.

“During the election, I noticed that there were so many people throwing around the word ‘conservative’ and ‘liberal’ and ‘socialism,’” Krohn said. “So I decided that there were too many people who threw the term ‘conservative’ around who didn’t understand what they were talking about.” He waved his hands around, sometimes grimaced, and — when impersonating people who ask him why he’s a Republican — spoke in a Muppet-sounding voice. “As I close, and as I get ready to leave, I want you to understand — I want the American people to understand — that conservatism is not an ideology of feelings or romanticism, as some people like to say. It is an ideology of protecting the people and the people’s rights.”

The vision of a pre-pubescent ex-child actor spouting conservative talking points, and winning rapturous applause, was as good a sign as any of how much trouble the conservative movement is in, six weeks into the Obama administration. After all, Krohn won’t quite be old enough to vote against Obama in the 2012 election.

Watch his speech here:

And now, for something completely different

Thanks for reading over the last two-and-a-half years -- today's my last day at Salon

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And now, for something completely differentSalon's Mike Madden watches Barack Obama bowl, not very well, during a campaign stop in Altoona, Pa., during the 2008 presidential primary.

The day after Christmas 2007, I caught a flight from Washington, D.C., to the Midwest, and made my way through the snow to watch Hillary Clinton address a crowd in a packed high school gym in Mt. Pleasant, Iowa. And thus began my career at Salon, and my close-up view of an astounding presidential campaign. The primaries alone took me from Salt Lake City to San Juan. (I even got to watch Barack Obama bowl, badly.) Once that was done, the general election managed to match the primaries for excitement, innovative campaign techniques and unusual venues. Not to mention plenty of chances to write about Sarah Palin.

Yes, I spent the historic 2008 Election Night at a golf resort in Phoenix and missed the parties in the street back home in D.C. But that’s alright — once Barack Obama had won, there was more news to come. I met Orly Taitz, and saw the first signs of stress appear in the relationship between progressives and the incoming White House. The new administration got moving quickly, and the conservatives were already starting to get a little freaked out (not least because the Republican Party was suddenly in the hands of Michael Steele). Between Tea Partiers and the endless healthcare reform debate, 2009 flew by. And suddenly, another campaign is in full swing.

But this time, I won’t be around to chronicle the rest of it on Salon. Today is my last day here; in two weeks, I start a new job as managing editor of Washington City Paper, an alt-weekly I’ve been reading for 20 years. As you may have gathered if you read any of the various posts and stories about D.C. voting rights that Salon’s editors indulged my desire to write, I consider myself a bit of a D.C. nationalist — my dad’s family has lived here for three generations, and I grew up in the area and have been back for a decade now. So the chance to help shape coverage of the city and region I’m so proud to call home was irresistible. (Besides, if I wasn’t leaving voluntarily, I’d probably manage to get myself fired over the next couple of weeks for ducking out of work too often to watch the World Cup.) At least in this new job, I should be safe from Andrew Breitbart’s rage.

It’s been a thrill, and a privilege, to write about these last few crazy years in national politics and government here. My colleagues at Salon are smart, funny, creative and supportive, and working with them has been a blast every day. And you, our readers, always keep the staff on our toes, sending complaints, ideas and — occasionally — compliments over the transom on just about every story. I’m happy to be joining you again as a consumer of Salon’s brilliant writing, just as I was when the site first started (though, fortunately, I no longer need to depend on a 14.4k modem to do it).

So thanks for letting me be your guide through the last two-and-a-half years of politics. (You can still keep track of me on Twitter if you feel the urge, and of course, I hope you’ll check out what we’re doing at City Paper, even if you don’t live near the District.) And for now, so long.

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Open mic catches Fiorina on Boxer’s hair: “So yesterday”

The California Senate race gets off to an awkward start, as the Republican mocks her Democratic opponent

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Open mic catches Fiorina on Boxer's hair: Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-Calif.) on June 3.

If the first day was any indication, the California campaign between Democratic Sen. Barbara Boxer and Republican ex-CEO Carly Fiorina is going to be nasty.

Fiorina was caught on an open mic and camera feed Wednesday, mocking Boxer’s hair. A friend of Fiorina’s, it seems, had seen Boxer on TV earlier in the morning. And she “said what everyone says,” Fiorina blurted. “God, what is that hair? So yesterday!”

That’s about four minutes into the video. Boxer shouldn’t feel too bad, though, because Fiorina spent the vast majority of the time the camera was rolling bashing her fellow Republican, Meg Whitman, for going on Sean Hannity’s Fox News Channel show on the first day of the general election campaign for governor.

Watch here:

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Why does Wall Street hate America (in the World Cup)?

Goldman Sachs, UBS and JP Morgan all predict a quick exit for the U.S. in the big soccer tournament

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Why does Wall Street hate America (in the World Cup)?U.S. national soccer team midfielder Landon Donovan, right, speaks as coach Bob Bradley, left, looks on during a news conference in Irene, South Africa, Wednesday, June 9, 2010. The U.S. team is preparing for the upcoming World Cup, where it will play in Group C. (AP Photo/Elise Amendola)(Credit: AP)

Destroying the global economy and plunging the world into recession is one thing. But now Wall Street has gone too far.

Preparing for the World Cup, three big banks issued data-heavy reports predicting which nation will bring home the trophy (Update: That trophy is no longer named for Jules Rimet, as this post originally stated): UBS, JP Morgan and Goldman Sachs. And none of them show much love to the United States — no matter how much Washington has agreed to help them stay on top of global commerce in the wake of the economic collapse.

The recipient of $25 billion in TARP funds in 2008, Morgan is by far the worst offender. Its guide to the tournament, produced by the bank’s “quants” (yes, that’s the same term used for the math wizards whose models utterly failed to predict the collapse of the housing market), expects the U.S. to lose to England on Saturday, follow that up with a loss to unheralded Slovenia on June 18, then finally salvage some pride with a win over Algeria on June 23 — which would be too little, too late to advance to the tournament’s knockout stage. And just like that, the Yanks would head home, losers, along with the likes of New Zealand, Paraguay and North Korea.

Goldman’s team, in its report (PDF), wasn’t that much more generous to the nation that’s treated the firm so well over the years. “Group C looks very friendly to England, and in an effort to help boost the game in the U.S., let’s assume they come second!” the Goldman analysis says. “Both Algeria and Slovenia may have good grounds to question this.” In other words, the bank doesn’t really expect the U.S. to advance to the round of 16, but since this whole thing is just a silly exercise designed to get them publicity (you’re welcome, Goldman), the writers threw U.S. Soccer a bone. Then again, while Goldman did get $10 billion in TARP funds a couple of years ago to stay in business, it’s had a more tumultuous relationship with the government since then. Maybe if the SEC hadn’t sued the bank, they would have picked the U.S. to win it all!

Meanwhile, the Swiss bankers at UBS — who didn’t take any money from the U.S. government (but did get a bailout from their own taxpayers) — appear to predict that the U.S. will, at least, advance from the group stage to the single-elimination round. (Though only barely, and their chart ranks South Africa, Mexico, France and Uruguay — who can’t all make it, because only two teams from their common group will advance — as likelier to move on.) But they give the U.S. less than a 13 percent chance of winning their first knockout game, in which the Americans would likely face Germany.

Yes, I realize I’m taking these predictions more seriously than they’re intended to be taken, and that the reports are — as you might expect for a research document prepared by investment firms — larded up with disclaimers about past performance and statistical models being no guarantee of future returns. Still. This is the World Cup! It’s serious business! And for these Wall Street bankers to blithely write off the U.S. cause as hopeless — or worse, as Goldman does, a charity case — is downright un-American.

So if they don’t like America, which nation’s citizens do these cold-hearted bankers think will be dancing in the streets after the July 11 finals? UBS picked Brazil, five-time winners already. Goldman put Brazil in the final — but in a rare nod to style over mathematical models, picked Spain to beat them: “Here we are going to go against history and stick with flair.” And JP Morgan, picking Slovenia to make it all the way to the semifinals after edging out the U.S. for a spot in the knockout rounds, predicts England will beat Spain — on penalties — for its second-ever World Cup title. (For what it’s worth, I don’t expect the U.S. to win the tournament; I do expect them to advance to the second round, behind England, and maybe win another game if they get lucky. Spain will probably win, which would be fine with me, but I’m really rooting for Argentina, and I wouldn’t mind the Netherlands winning, either.)

These reports, then, should give anyone in America plenty of motivation to watch the U.S.-England game on Saturday: Not only is the U.S. the underdog, but Wall Street is rooting for the English. No, an upset win this weekend won’t fix the economy and undo the damage years of corporate influence have had on our politics. But it might help humble some smug bankers somewhere. And if that’s not a victory, what is? U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

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Mitt Romney sends Sharron Angle some love

The once (and future?) GOP presidential candidate cuts a $5,000 check to the Nevada Tea Party favorite

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Mitt Romney sends Sharron Angle some loveSharron Angle and Mitt Romney

Mitt Romney knows how to pick a winner. Especially after the winner has already been picked by the voters. So sure enough, this afternoon brought news that he has taken a side in the Nevada Senate race. 

Romney sent Sharron Angle, Harry Reid’s new opponent (and, possibly, political savior) a $5,000 check from his PAC, the maximum donation allowed by campaign finance law. He also endorsed Brian Sandoval, after he knocked off Gov. Jim Gibbons in a GOP primary. ”Instead of focusing on turning our economy around and fostering job creation and economic growth, too many of our leaders are instead focused on growing the size of government,” Romney said in a statement. “That is why Nevada is fortunate to have leaders like Brian Sandoval and Sharron Angle, who will work to get our economy back on track.”

With the 2012 Republican presidential primary set to start on Nov. 3, the day after the midterm elections, Romney has been busy endorsing candidates all over the country, and especially in early primary states like Nevada. Last night was a good one for one of his picks, Nikki Haley, who fell just short of winning the GOP gubernatorial nod in South Carolina and seems sure to win a runoff. But Romney hadn’t gotten involved in the Nevada race up to now — which was probably wise, since the GOP establishment backed loser Sue Lowden, and endorsing Angle before she won the nomination might have made Romney look a bit too enthusiastic about the Tea Party set.

Still, it’s not exactly a profile in political courage to endorse your party’s nominee against the very vulnerable sitting Senate majority leader. Romney took a similarly bold stand in the Florida Senate race a week before Gov. Charlie Crist quit the party — and well after it was obvious that Rubio was going to wipe the floor with Crist if he stayed in. Those risk-averse political instincts, though, could help Romney win the nomination as the safe choice this time around. After John McCain in 2008, Republicans have probably had enough of self-styled mavericks.

 

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Sharron Angle wins primary, will face Harry Reid

It will be the Tea Party favorite vs. the Senate majority leader

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Sharron Angle wins primary, will face Harry ReidSharron Angle

Have Nevada Republicans just seized defeat from the jaws of victory?

Facing Harry Reid, a Senate majority leader even more vulnerable than Tom Daschle was six months before he lost his reelection race in 2004, the party opted Tuesday to nominate, as their champion, Sharron Angle — a little-known, poorly funded Tea Party favorite who might make Rand Paul look experienced and polished. She wants to abolish Social Security, phase out Medicare, once said alcohol should be illegal and whined in April that she couldn’t bring her guns to Washington.

Then again, the folks Angle beat to win the nomination weren’t exactly world class politicians, either. Establishment pick Sue Lowden — who Tea Party activists in Nevada hated because, as party chairwoman, she had dared to cross Ron Paul during the 2008 presidential primary campaign — was leading for months. Until she collapsed suddenly, after babbling about people bartering chickens for healthcare and drawing legal challenges over a campaign bus. Businessman Danny Tarkanian never managed to get any buzz for his own race, which seemed to be grounded entirely in the fact that his father had coached the UNLV Runnin’ Rebels.

Still, it says a lot that given a choice between Angle and the Republican who endorsed chickens for healthcare, Reid’s team preferred Angle. (And in fact, his statement on the race didn’t even mention his opponent, as he aimed for the high road instead.) Reid’s performance in poll after poll in Nevada has been abysmal, with barely a third of voters approving of the way he does his job. But aides have said for months that the race would sharpen once it settled into a contest between Reid and an actual opponent. And Angle’s record, which didn’t get much exposure during the GOP primary, gives them some good ammunition to work with.

Announcing her campaign last year, Angle told the Reno Gazette-Journal that families with two working parents “dilute” healthcare and retirement benefits. Unlike many politicians in Nevada, she’s fine with the idea of trucking nuclear waste into the state to bury it at Yucca Mountain. In the state Assembly, she once voted against tougher penalties for repeat drunk driving offenders — but also said alcohol should be illegal. She says custodial work is something “Americans just won’t do.”

Besides Reid, some very conservative people were pleased with the results Tuesday, too. Angle’s win is another victory for the Club for Growth, the rabidly anti-tax (and, essentially, anti-government) group that endorsed her, as well as Utah Republican Mike Lee, who knocked off Sen. Bob Bennett last month. The Tea Party Express, an Astroturf group that held a big rally in Reid’s hometown in March, claimed another win, too; they spent millions of dollars supporting Angle, helping her offset Lowden’s stronger fundraising.

National Republicans tried to put a brave face on the news. “With Sharron Angle’s nomination today, I am confident that this seat will be a prime pick-up opportunity for our party in November,” GOP Senate campaign chief John Cornyn, R-Texas, said in a statement. “Sharron Angle has earned Nevada’s trust and respect through her long record of public service as a teacher, school board member, businesswoman, and state assemblywoman.” Michael Steele chimed in, too, with a promise of financial resources for the various GOP candidates in the state.

Angle will need a lot of  financial help against Reid. Last month, Reid reported having $9 million in the bank — compared to Angle’s $138,000. That can pay for a lot of ads about banning booze.

Ever since the Tea Party arrived on the scene last year, Republicans have been happy to ride along with its nutty members and their eccentric ideas. Just about all the energy in the GOP, after all, comes from Tea Party anger. Angle’s win Tuesday, though — and Rand Paul’s, in Kentucky — might represent the flip side of that energy.

Could she still win in the fall? Sure. Very few incumbents recover from political situations like Reid’s. But by nominating the candidate sitting farthest out on the right wing fringe, the GOP base — and especially the Tea Party chunk of it — may have thrown Reid a lifeline.

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