2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
Fergie, part-time Black Eyed Pea, sometime solo artist, and upcoming costar of the movie musical “Nine,” has such a sassy, exuberant persona that we’re almost ready to forgive her for her participation in “I Gotta Feeling,” aka The Song That Would Be Not Be Stopped.
In a new interview in The Advocate, she speaks out in her characteristic blunt manner about gay marriage (pro), her feelings about penis size (she’s likes them “well-endowed”) and her same-sex attractions. In May, she told the British newspaper The Sun, “I’ve experimented definitely, but I have never had a steady girlfriend,” prompting a spate of wink-wink remarks regarding her apparently lucky husband Josh Duhamel (who’s been getting more than his own share of tabloid attention lately).
In her Advocate story, however, Fergie didn’t do much to dispel that fantasy that babe-on-babe action exists solely as the lite version of what goes on with men. “Just because I enjoy women doesn’t mean I’m allowed to have affairs in my relationship,” she explained. “I learned through talking with my therapist that it is still cheating even if it’s with girls, so there is a rule there.”
So if you step outside your marriage, even if it’s just with a female, it counts? Like you’d be cheating with a person? Shut UP. Is Fergie’s declaration of intent to keep her hands off other women a sly dig at her husband, who’s been accused of late of lacking similar restraint? Or is it just the epiphany of a lady who’s figured out that sapphic action is still action? Regardless, lesbian and bisexual women across the land will no doubt be disappointed to learn: Fergie’s London Bridge is not a gay dispensation zone.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.