Will shower for sausages

She'll "shake her bits" to whet your appetite

Topics: Advertising, Broadsheet,

Will shower for sausages

Another day, another stupid, sexist ad campaign. This time, it’s Burger King, who’ve taken to enticing British men toward their otherwise unpalatable breakfast fare with “the world’s first guilt-free showercam.” Visitors to their showercam site (you have to be 18 or over to enter — it’s that sizzling HOT!) can “choose what she wears and sings,” then watch her “shake her bits” in the shower to a pop song while clad in a BK-themed bathing suit. (Do fries go with that hamburger bikini top?) Today a comely lass was soaping herself up to “(Hit Me) … Baby One More Time.” I wish I could make this shit up.

But wait, punters, there’s more — you can win a date with her. “One seriously lucky person will get to share a couple of Breakfast Big Fillers and pancakes with our sizzling shower babe in the London Leicester Square Burger King restaurant — you never know, it just might be the start of something beautiful (and she might even sing for you)!”

Pancakes in a Leicester Square Burger King — tell me I’m not dreaming!

Coming hot on the pumiced heels of Method’s leering “Shiny Suds” misfire, it’s clear a lady can’t even bathe in peace anymore. Yes, she’s undressed and wet and soapy. We get it. What genius got paid to come up with this?

I could go all blah blah blah offensive blah blah blah objectification of women blah blah blah nice nod to your voyeur pervs here, and in fact I will, but first, a reminder. We are all for sexy and witty and clever here. This, however, is not that. This is softcore to peddle hash browns. Not entirely surprising from the people who earlier this year gave us the blowjob sandwich campaign — but gross nonetheless.

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Here’s what really sticks in our craw like soggy onion rings, though: A Burger King spokesman told Advertising Age yesterday, “Our research showed that breakfast is a male-centric audience for Burger King; it doesn’t resonate as well with women — we are targeting the people who are buying breakfast.” In other words, sod off, wenches. You are mere bits shakers in the King’s eyes, here to dance and sing with fried eggs on your boobs because we tell you to. Your insubordinate lack of support for our flame-broiled goodness exiles you from the realm of valued customers. We’re busy reaching out to the fan base who can associate our products with their morning spank routine.

Message received. And it makes us want to hurl our morning meal right down the throne.

Mary Elizabeth Williams
Mary Elizabeth Williams is a staff writer for Salon and the author of "Gimme Shelter: My Three Years Searching for the American Dream." Follow her on Twitter: @embeedub.

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