The secrets of “vajazzling”

Lady parts: now with more sparkle

Topics: Sex, Broadsheet,

The secrets of "vajazzling"

The ladybits have seen hot pink pubic dyes and dollar sign stencils. They’ve encountered jewelry of the pierced and clip-on variety. They’ve been available in different flavors.  They’ve even recently become aware of labia tinters.  But this week they really sat up and took notice when actress Jennifer Love Hewitt announced on “The George Lopez Show” that she has pimped out her yoni with Swarovski crystals. Or, as she put it, “It’s called vajazzling.” Of such great import was the news of the Ghost Whisperer’s crotch bling that Broadsheet actually received a press release from the Lopez camp about it. I shit you not, America.

Discussing her new memoir “The Day I Shot Cupid,” debut author Hewitt said that after a painful breakup, “A friend of mine Swarovski-crystalled my precious lady and it shined like a disco ball,” adding the imperative that “women should vajazzle their vajayjays.” It was at this point that Lopez leapt from his chair to kiss the fair maiden’s hand, and I went to check my iCal to see if the first day of April had arrived early. Perhaps that’s because when I hear the word “crystal” I begin rather naively picturing a wedding gift-sized swan rising like the sun from Ms. Love Hewitt’s Cosabella thong. A scenario that would no doubt inflict untold injury on her boyfriend Jamie Kennedy.

Instead, muffin studding is a considerably smaller scale affair, involving tinier gems. And it’s festive as hell. As the folks at Completely Bare explain, you can “decorate your own jewels” because “accessorizing your privates is the hottest rage.” (Anyone who associates the words “hot” and “rage” with their privates, please report immediately to anger management.) DIY types, of course, can probably just opt for a Schick and some temporary tattoos.

You Might Also Like

When you consider the seemingly endless ways a person can customize her holiest of holies, it’s a wonder Martha Stewart hasn’t yet done a whole segment on vajayjay projects. Consider the possibilities – a little ribbon, a shaker of glitter, and a Brother P-Touch label maker – you’re looking at hours of entertainment. But it seems unfair to limit all this whimsical embellishment to just one sex. So once I master learning to knit, I am totally making a sock monkey that fits a penis.

Mary Elizabeth Williams

Mary Elizabeth Williams is a staff writer for Salon and the author of "Gimme Shelter: My Three Years Searching for the American Dream." Follow her on Twitter: @embeedub.

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • 1 of 11
  • Close
  • Fullscreen
  • Thumbnails
    Jodi Hilton

    Nepal earthquake animal rescue

    Slide 1

    KATHMANDU, NEPAL-- May 1, 2015--Team from Humane Society International doing assessments and rescue work in the Lalipur District outside Kathmandu where many houses collapsed and animals died during last week's earthquake.

    Jodi Hilton

    Nepal earthquake animal rescue

    Slide 2

    KATHMANDU, NEPAL-- May 1, 2015--Team from Humane Society International doing assessments and rescue work in the Lalipur District outside Kathmandu where many houses collapsed and animals died during last week's earthquake.

    Humane Society International

    Nepal earthquake animal rescue

    Slide 3

    Humane Society International’s Animal Rescue Team deployed to Kathmandu, Nepal on 30th April 2015 to offer emergency animal welfare aid following a devastating 7.8 magnitude earthquake.

    Jodi Hilton

    Nepal earthquake animal rescue

    Slide 4

    KATHMANDU, NEPAL-- May 1, 2015--Team from Humane Society International doing assessments and rescue work in the Lalipur District outside Kathmandu where many houses collapsed and animals died during last week's earthquake.

    Jodi Hilton

    Nepal earthquake animal rescue

    Slide 5

    KATHMANDU, NEPAL-- May 1, 2015--Crew from HSI doing assessments and rescue work in the Lalipur District where many houses collapsed and animals died during last week's earthquake.

    Society for Animal Welfare and Management and Animal Welfare Network Nepal

    Nepal earthquake animal rescue

    Slide 6

    Calf rescue in Thali, a village outside Kathmandu, Nepal following the earthquake. Photo taken 29 April 2015.

    Jodi Hilton

    Nepal earthquake animal rescue

    Slide 7

    Crew from HSI doing assessments and rescue work in the Lalipur District where many houses collapsed and animals died during last week's earthquake.

    Jodi Hilton

    Nepal earthquake animal rescue

    Slide 8

    KATHMANDU, NEPAL-- May 1, 2015--Crew from HSI doing assessments and rescue work in the Lalipur District where many houses collapsed and animals died during last week's earthquake.

    Jodi Hilton

    Nepal earthquake animal rescue

    Slide 9

    Rahul Sehgal, Asia director of the Humane Society International holds an orphaned baby goat in Kalitaar, an agricultural village outside Kathmandu that was severely damaged by the Nepal earthquake. Large scale damage and deaths of livestock across the country means recovery will be difficult for people who were already living below the poverty line.

    Jodi Hilton

    Nepal earthquake animal rescue

    Slide 10

    KATHMANDU, NEPAL-- May 1, 2015--Team from Humane Society International doing assessments and rescue work in the Lalipur District outside Kathmandu where many houses collapsed and animals died during last week's earthquake.

  • Recent Slide Shows

Comments

0 Comments

Comment Preview

Your name will appear as username ( settings | log out )

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>