2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
Have you ever just sat around and wondered, “How do I market the great classics to children in a way that’s both accessible and educational?” I know I have. All day. Every day. My failed “Gravity’s Rainbow” board game kind of convinced me to close up shop for a while, especially after all the lawsuits I incurred from faulty kid-shaped rocket ships.
So I am naturally envious of the two (?) brilliant minds behind the recently released “Waiting For Godot” and “Great Gatsby” video games. Oh yeah, you can spend hours trying to solve the boss level on the Beckett-Atari cartridge. Seriously, play it here.
Great Gatsby is a little weirder, if only because of the back story behind it. The people running GreatGatsbyGame.com claim they found an old Nintendo cartridge at a garage sale, and it turned out to be a laser-shooting, giant crab-destroying adaptation of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s book. This is the cover:
And you can also play the game online, naturally. Man, when we tell our kids what 2011 was like, I hope we’re able to say that we spent an inordinate amount of time making “fake” games you can actually play, replicating the style of technology from the ’80s.
If anyone is to blame for this, it’s definitely digital artist Cory Arcangel, who turned a Nintendo hack into art for his “Super Mario: Clouds” project back in 2002. Who knew a plumber who spent all day eating magic mushrooms could have an existential crisis?
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.