Glenn Beck and Fox have fired each other, or at least “Glenn Beck” will no longer exist on Fox News, weekdays at 5 p.m. This leaves something of a hole in Fox’s schedule, right after the daytime lineup, leading into the heavy-hitting prime-time lineup.
An obvious solution is to plug in someone currently at Fox. It could be a daytime host, an anchor who wants to turn pundit, a reporter or someone currently wasting away on the unwatched Fox Business channel.
- Mike Huckabee: He’d probably love to have the gig. But would he like a daily talk show more than he would like the Republican Party nomination for president of the United States? I would guess yes, actually. He is barely bothering to pretend to run as is it is.
- John Stossel: Already a “brand,” many libertarians seem to think he is a non-embarrassing representative of their political philosophy.
- Andrew Napolitano: One of those guys that isn’t “that bad,” by Fox standards, so probably stuck on Fox Business.
- Lou Dobbs: I might put some money down on this one.
- Megyn Kelly: She’s clearly gunning for a move from the “news” side to the “opinion” block. Has the most animated look of disgust I have ever seen on television and it seems to never leave her face.
Stealing someone from a competitor
As Fox did with Glenn himself, buying another network’s talent is a fun way to rub in your success as a network. But: There’s currently a dearth of talent at CNN and no one on MSNBC is salvageable for Fox’s purposes.
- Jane Velez-Mitchell: I know nothing about her but she’s in Glenn’s old slot on HLN.
- Nancy Grace: Psycho, judgmental, famous.
Fox loves surprises almost as much as it loves infuriating liberals and watching immigrants die from exposure in Arizona internment camps. Will it choose a maverick?
- Newt Gingrich: Clearly desperate for love and attention. Donald Trump: The same, plus more famous.
- Evan Bayh: Probably too liberal but otherwise I feel like this would be a totally appropriate move for the former senator.
- That woman who attacked the Gauguin painting: Already strikes me as a “female Glenn Beck,” which should appeal to advertisers.
- Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark: Just run the rehearsals for an hour every day, will attract same “train-wreck rubbernecker” audience.
- The House That Looks like Hitler: Destined for stardom, Fox should snap it up before CNN pairs it with a house that looks like Churchill.