2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
It’s Friday and the world might end next weekend. How do you want to have spent your second to last week? I hope you said, “Watching animal videos on YouTube and complaining about Johnny Depp ruining old movies,” because I don’t want to feel like I was alone on this.
This is how the world ends, folks, not with a whisper but with a “meh.”
1. Corgi falls asleep in bucket, Internet melts: I’m a little concerned about how that dog got in the bucket in the first … awww! Look at him sleep!
2. Britney Spears mentally incapable, according to parents: In her defense, Britney’s done a great job of cleaning herself up, which is more than I can say for Lynn Spears.
3. Colonel-in-chief Sir Nils Olav, penguin: This isn’t new, but did you know that there is a penguin in the Edinburgh Zoo who has more titles than half the British court? Kind of takes away the fun of actually being knighted, doesn’t it?
4. Johnny Depp is Nick Charles in “The Thin Man”: It’s officially time for Johnny Depp to take a vacation. Plus, who is going to fill Myrna Loy’s shoes … Angelina Jolie?
5. Ron Swanson drunk-dancing on the “Parks and Recreation” season finale:
Wearing a tiny hat, the staple accessory on NBC this season.
6. Shampoo that smells like soda: “Oh darling, your hair smells exactly like Mountain Dew Code Red!”
7. Chinchillas in wine glasses:
Goes perfectly with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
9. The Situation’s dad is on YouTube:
Maybe he and Charlie Sheen could start a Web show together.
10. Cat ears from Japan controlled by your brain:
So the Japanese have harnessed the power of telekinesis, and they’re using it to make girls look like Hello Kitty? Man, is it Saturday yet, because I think I’m ready for the world to end.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.