Action movies
“Abduction”: Taylor Lautner's chest gets a movie
Team Jacob obsessives may love it, but this fourth-rate "Bourne"-style thriller does the Twi-hunk no favors
Taylor Lautner in "Abduction" Writing a review of “Abduction,” the new thriller designed as a star vehicle for “Twilight” hunk Taylor Lautner, is pretty much a free-fire zone. Lautner’s fan base — which I would presume to be young and female and interested in viewing his hairless and monumental chest — isn’t super-likely to read reviews before rushing out to see the movie. On the other hand, if you’re here reading this, the likelihood that you’re actually going to pay to watch “Abduction” is exceptionally low. So I can pretty much make up any damn thing without fear of contradiction: The sequence where aliens destroy the earth was pretty cool, but the B&D sex scene between Lautner and Sigourney Weaver was somewhat disturbing. Unless it was the other way around.
Yes, I’m desperate here. I’d really like to come up with some mildly contrarian take on “Abduction” — to report, perhaps, that Lautner is a self-effacing charmer who can dance, or that director John Singleton (long, long ago the auteur behind “Boyz n the Hood”) has reversed his long slide into hackdom and made an enjoyable “Bourne Identity” knockoff. Sadly, it’s impossible to fake the faintest enthusiasm for this picture, which is a fourth-rate Hollywood thriller that bungles a lot of thievery from better movies, is entirely bereft of suspense or excitement and features a leading man who absolutely, positively cannot act. I saw the film with an old friend who compared Lautner’s performance to that of Vanilla Ice in the legendary 1991 “Cool as Ice.” I can’t say, personally, but given that Lautner has considerable camera experience for a 19-year-old, his block-like impassivity and utter incapacity to register humor or emotion are remarkable. He spends the whole film looking smug or baffled, possibly smaffled.
Here’s what I can say for “Abduction”: It heightened my respect for the “Twilight Saga” movies, where Lautner is employed quite effectively as Jacob Black, the American Indian werewolf who relentlessly woos but will never win Kristen Stewart’s emo-tinged, virginal heart. Jacob is of course a doubly “other” character, capitalizing on the fact that Lautner looks both racially ambiguous and borderline inhuman, and I suppose Singleton and screenwriter Shawn Christensen had some vague idea of emulating that. In “Abduction,” Lautner plays a hard-partying Pittsburgh teen named Nathan, who discovers — while surfing the Internet, literally — that his parents aren’t his real parents and that both the CIA and some quasi-Slavic hoods (their background and nationality and motives are never clear) are looking for him. So Nathan hits the road with the girl next door (Lily Collins, rumored to be Lautner’s real-life squeeze) for a series of remarkably uninvolving chase scenes and supposed romantic interludes.
“Abduction” may win the 2011 prize for wasting good actors in absolute balderdash; we’ve got the aforementioned Sigourney Weaver as a psychiatrist and/or secret agent with a bouquet of balloons, Alfred Molina as a paunchy, lumbering CIA bigwig, and Swedish actor Michael Nyqvist (co-star of the “Girl Who …” movies) as the sinister but non-specific international bad guy. Nyqvist and Lautner have a nice scene sitting in the stands together at a Pittsburgh Pirates game, and I would have paid good money to turn the movie into some kind of sentimental father-son drama at that moment. Furthermore, Pittsburgh is a picturesque city, underutilized in American film, and here and there Singleton seems to wake up from his extended power nap and pay attention to that fact. There! I finally said something nice, and kind of meant it.
“Battleship”: Dumbest military spectacle ever?
Aliens invade a Navy recruitment video and turn back the gender-politics clock in this moronic blockbuster
A still from "Battleship" One of the great marketing constants of contemporary Hollywood is the idea of appealing to the 11-year-old boy within every moviegoer (whatever gender that person may manifest on the surface). Almost every American movie released during the summer season has that squirmy pre-adolescent id in view, and about two-thirds of the movies made the rest of the year. But what about a movie as baffling and incoherent and flat-out stupid as “Battleship” — an alien-invasion adventure by way of a Hasbro game, or maybe the other way round — a movie that would make your inner 11-year-old stomp out of the theater in disgust?
Continue Reading Close“The Avengers” and Hollywood’s gender wars
Despite the success of the "Hunger Games," this summer's blockbusters are aimed squarely at male action fantasies
I don’t think I’m breaking any news if I tell you that “The Avengers,” Joss Whedon’s ensemble action-adventure that unites an entire posse of Marvel Comics superheroes, will be far and away this weekend’s No. 1 film at the box office. (In fact, “Avengers” is already the eighth-highest grossing film of 2012, with more than $260 million in global revenue before its North American release.) Or that a large majority of those ticket buyers will be teenage boys and young men. Like most summer “tent-pole” productions — those designed to support franchises, and ensure the financial future of major studios — “The Avengers” is aimed squarely at guys under 35, long the demographic, psychological and economic bulwark of the movie industry. In the weeks ahead, we’ll see a whole bunch more male-centric, big-budget releases: “Battleship,” “The Dictator,” “Men in Black III,” “Prometheus,” “The Amazing Spider-Man” and “The Dark Knight Rises,” potentially the biggest of all.
Continue Reading Close“Safe”: Ultra-violent ’70s action flicks are back!
Cynical, bloody and ridiculously entertaining, Jason Statham's "Safe" revives '70s-style ultra-violence
Jason Statham in "Safe" It’s easy at first to draw comparisons between today’s America and that of the 1970s — economic struggle, a widening gulf between rich and poor, a persistent sense of national crisis — but as those who actually lived through that storied decade can tell you, once you get to the details it all falls apart. The ’70s was a decade of explosion: Exploding inflation, exploding crime rates, terrorist bombings all across the Western world. Civil society itself seemed to be collapsing back then, whereas today we have an almost opposite set of problems: low crime, low mortgages, low wages, and an intrusive, all-seeing security state that keeps disorder to a minimum.
Continue Reading ClosePick of the week: A dazzling martial-arts sensation
Pick of the week: Claustrophobic and intense, "The Raid" is a no-holds-barred instant action classic
Iko Uwais in "The Raid: Redemption" It probably isn’t helpful for me to tell you that Gareth Evans’ slam-bang Indonesian action flick “The Raid: Redemption” feels like a video game, because that’s likely to inspire only two kinds of reactions. Either you’ll roll your eyes and walk away in sadness and outrage at what our culture has become, or you’ll sniff that no, it isn’t anything like a video game, because it doesn’t have multiple pathways and the viewer can’t control the outcome or destination. Listen, just watch the doggone movie. “The Raid” is a witty, pulse-pounding instant midnight classic, an immediate sensation at the Sundance and Toronto festivals that should appeal to cinema buffs, action freaks and a pretty large mainstream audience besides. It offers some of the best Asian martial-arts choreography of recent years and an electric, claustrophobic puzzle-palace atmosphere that’ll leave you wrung out and buzzed.
Continue Reading Close“The Hunger Games”: A lightweight Twi-pocalypse
Jennifer Lawrence is spectacular in the spring's biggest movie -- but its vision of the future is addled and dumb
Jennifer Lawrence in "The Hunger Games" In the world of “The Hunger Games,” the celebrity culture and media overload of our age have been rolled back to something that approximates the middle of the 20th century, crossed with the Roman Empire. Instead of today’s narrow-casted onslaught of Internet, cable and satellite entertainment, there’s one TV channel and one reality show, which occupies the entire culture as nothing has in the real world since perhaps O.J.’s Bronco chase, or the Challenger disaster. In Panem, “Hunger Games” author Suzanne Collins’ nightmarish future version of America, it’s as if the first season of “Survivor” or “American Idol” is on the air year after year, with real killings, no competition and ratings that never go down.
Continue Reading ClosePage 1 of 3 in Action movies