2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
We all know that homosexuals are big on indoctrinating our children and pushing their agenda. But in their favor, did you also know they’re incapable of committing domestic violence? It’s true! Just ask South Dakota.
In a political statement that basically says, “La la la, I can’t hear you so you don’t exist,” the state’s House on Tuesday approved a bill to revise the South Dakota’s definition of domestic abuse — and to conspicuously exclude the same-sex variety. Of course, it’s not just the Gays who are today magically rendered incapable of domestic abuse. Siblings, roommates – you’re all in the clear now.
You can thank Republican Rep. Mark Venner for clarification. He’s the guy who voted in favor of Bible study in the public schools last month. And it passed. He has also supported drug testing for welfare recipients, the regulation of registered midwives and – wait for it — rules requiring pre-abortion counseling and a waiting period. Little wonder he’s the one who moved to revise the “legal definition of the term, domestic abuse” so that on the bill, the words “relationship,” “partners” or “intimate relationship” would be followed with “with a person of the opposite sex.” A majority of his peers agreed.
Forget that the American Bar Association says that same-sex cohabitants report more domestic abuse than their straight counterparts. Or that the Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project says that one in four gay men will experience abuse. And thanks, Venner, for understanding that just like marriage itself, domestic violence is something that God intended to occur between strictly a man and a woman.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.