2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
Donald Trump, an entertainingly thin-skinned salaried NBC employee who plays at being a real estate mogul, promised a “big surprise” at this month’s Republican National Convention, which he’s been invited to participate in because he’s spent the better part of a year questioning the president’s citizenship and background based on lies and tall tales popularized by and meant for the stupidest Americans alive. On Tuesday, I wrote: “The real surprise is almost definitely just going to be some idiotic video where Trump ‘fires’ an Obama impersonator.”
Then an Obama impersonator posted a picture of himself hanging out with Donald Trump on Facebook, basically confirming my (very obvious) prediction, which probably explains why the deeply insecure Trump felt the need to tweet yesterday that I am considered a “a total joke in politics circles.”
Sorry I ruined your surprise, Donald! If it makes you feel better all the people in “politics circles” that I talk to say that failed casino owners who make comedy videos with professional celebrity impersonators are considered real heavyweight power players.
Alex Pareene writes about politics for Salon and is the author of "The Rude Guide to Mitt." Email him at email@example.com and follow him on Twitter @pareeneMore Alex Pareene.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.