What if the Romney sons were a boy band?

In a way, they already are

Topics: Mitt Romney, Ann Romney, 2012 Elections, boy bands, ,

With their  G-rated appeal, strong-jaws, and an unconditional willingness to sing their father’s praises, the five Romney sons have all the makings of a boy band. Let’s get to it!

Tagg, 42- The lost soul
Once as a wayward teenager, Tagg Romney called his dad a nerd. He also skipped church, and later was forced to scrub boats as punishment for other mini-rebellions. Tagg has since learned from his messed-up ways, and models himself after his old man, telling the New York Times, “If I could be half the man my dad is, I would be very happy.”

Matt, 40- The needy one
Matt Romney learned at a young age that if you want attention from your family, you need to be withholding. He told ABC that he liked to disappear for short periods of time and “just be outside hiding in a bush watching TV, hoping that everyone was just, you know, missing me.” As one can tell from his bro-neric music tastes – Bob Marley, Led Zeppelin and Coldplay — the man just wants to be liked.

You Might Also Like

Josh, 37- The “real” one
Don’t let the khakis, ivy league degrees and plastic smiles fool you, the Romneys are real and Josh Romney is as real as they get. He told ABC, “We’re real and we all have our own issues and we have our own faults and all that stuff. Obviously, we’re not going to go on TV and tell everyone about them, but we all have our own thing.”

Ben, 34- The blond one
Without getting too crazy, the blond doctor adds a little much-needed diversity to the band. He reps them well with his MySpace page.

Craig, 31- The bilingual heartthrob
As the youngest (and possibly hottest) son, Craig Romney is the poster child for the modern-day All-American man: he looks like Tom Brady, but he can also speak Spanish.


Prachi Gupta
Prachi Gupta is an Assistant News Editor for Salon, focusing on pop culture. Follow her on Twitter at @prachigu or email her at pgupta@salon.com.

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • 1 of 8
  • Close
  • Fullscreen
  • Thumbnails
    Sonic

    7 ways Americans have defiled the hot dog

    Sonic's Bacon Double Cheddar Croissant Dog

    Sonic calls this a "gourmet twist" on a classic. I am not so, so fancy, but I know that sprinkling bacon and cheddar cheese onto a tube of pork is not gourmet, even if you have made a bun out of something that is theoretically French.

    Krispy Kreme

    7 ways Americans have defiled the hot dog

    Krispy Kreme's Doughnut Dog

    This stupid thing is a hotdog in a glazed doughnut bun, topped with bacon and raspberry jelly. It is only available at Delaware's Frawley Stadium, thank god.

    KFC

    7 ways Americans have defiled the hot dog

    KFC's Double Down Dog

    This creation is notable for its fried chicken bun and ability to hastily kill your dreams.

    Pizza Hut

    7 ways Americans have defiled the hot dog

    Pizza Hut's Hot Dog Bites Pizza

    Pizza Hut basically just glued pigs-in-blankets to the crust of its normal pizza. This actually sounds good, and I blame America for brainwashing me into feeling that.

    Carl's Jr.

    7 ways Americans have defiled the hot dog

    Carl's Jr. Most American Thick Burger

    This is a burger stuffed with potato chips and hot dogs. Choose a meat, America! How hard is it to just choose a meat?!

    Tokyo Dog

    7 ways Americans have defiled the hot dog

    Tokyo Dog's Juuni Ban

    A food truck in Seattle called Tokyo Dog created this thing, which is notable for its distinction as the Guinness Book of World Records' most expensive hot dog at $169. It is a smoked cheese bratwurst, covered in butter Teriyaki grilled onions, Maitake mushrooms, Wagyu beef, foie gras, black truffles, caviar and Japanese mayo in a brioche bun. Just calm down, Tokyo Dog. Calm down.

    Interscope

    7 ways Americans have defiled the hot dog

    Limp Bizkit's "Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water"

    This album art should be illegal.

  • Recent Slide Shows

Comments

0 Comments

Comment Preview

Your name will appear as username ( settings | log out )

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>